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My Soul Is Hurting

March 15, 2013

This article was cross-posted from "A Girl Like Me," a program of The Well Project.

OK, my soul is hurting. I feel so powerless. I have people from all over the world writing me that they have no medicine! That they are discriminated and it is happening here in the United States also!! It is so sad for me to only offer them my prayers and just sit here and feel like I can't do anything for them and help them!!


This is not only happening with HIV, but with many other diseases like cancer, etc. So many funding cuts; people maybe just don't give a damn anymore? They are sick and desperate. I do not want to be a pessimist, because many people look for me to give them hope and uplift them! I can't hide the sun with one finger!! I can't!! I feel desperate for them! This is urgent; as human beings we must do something about this!

Let's fucking fight! Let's get ANGRYYYYY! We have to do something and not let this continue to happen!!


Almost all new cases are young people!! Like I was! It has been more than 30 years with this bitch of AIDS!!! And people are still not fucking listening. Why?

It will be 24 years in April that I have been living with HIV and I am blessed and have fought to be here. I am losing hope that a cure is coming. To many billions are being made by Big Pharma! We are a fucking business!

I really believe that if I don't get hit by a truck, I will die of this disease or toxicity from my HIV medicine that is poison (but keeps me alive). At least I have something that is buying me time to at least prevent someone from getting infected! This is all I live for and care about! And I hope something happens and something changes!

I don't want to be negative, but it is hard when I get tons of emails and read everywhere the horrible things all of our brothers and sisters are going through. I wish I was a millionaire to help, but I am not.

All I have is my story and my passion. And when my body feels weak, my spirit will pull me through.

I hope that in this 900 girl event that is coming up, where I am going to speak to all of these students, someone listens!!

My God, if I only knew then what I know now!! And we know now!! HIV is preventable!! Use a condom, get tested and love your body! No one is worth your life!

As my dear friend, Mario Pinna Ferri, said in his recent notes, "I have come to a conclusion: HIV is endemic to humankind. For many years I resisted and fought the very notion of HIV as being endemic wanting to believe that HIV could be eradicated from our midst. At this point, with 33 million infected and less than 1/3 receiving treatment, and with less that 1/4 of those receiving treatment achieving viral suppression, I have to surrender and learn of a new way to live."


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This article was provided by The Well Project. Visit The Well Project's Web site to learn more about their resources and initiatives for women living with HIV. The Well Project shares its content with to ensure all people have access to the highest quality treatment information available. The Well Project receives no advertising revenue from or the advertisers on this site. No advertiser on this site has any editorial input into The Well Project's content.
See Also
More on HIV Treatment in the Developing World
More Viewpoints on Global HIV/AIDS

Reader Comments:

Comment by: Murilo (Rio de janeiro, Brazil) Fri., Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:32 am UTC
You look a little too pessimistic in this article. The spread of treatment is growing, new researches and findings are made everyday. Of course that it could be a lot better and I totally agree that a life that is not looked after is one we should regret for. But I'd rather look on the bright side, concerning HIV we, humankind, are not losing ground, and that is what I focus on.

If the HIV issue is not properly tackled in many clountries, so are several other matters, therefore we may conclude that this is not an exclusive HIV issue.

A lot of advances were made in 30 years, though not enough one must not fail to realise that.
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Comment by: Maria (Miami) Sat., Mar. 30, 2013 at 2:06 pm UTC
Hello Murilo

I understand what you are saying and I am known to be a very positive person . I am very blessed ..but sometimes as a well known international social media activist and getting around 500 messages just on fb alone with people telling me that they have no meds and are very sick :( I get ver very sad sometimes. all I can do is continue to fight as I have done and will do until the end of this BITCH OF AIDS. we want a cure. period. would love you to join the international group that I founded on Face book :) add me maria hiv mejia. many brothers and sisters from your beautiful Brazil.

love and light

Comment by: Danica Wilson (SW Missouri) Thu., Mar. 28, 2013 at 5:58 pm UTC

When all is said and done, the best I can give you is my heartfelt thanks for continuing this very personal fight and educating until your last breath. I am a Prevention Specialist at my ASO in Missouri and many of the concerns and frustrations you are facing with the population's apathy and short attention span are shared with both HIV- and HIV+ activists/workers. It is hard not to take it personally, as was the case when I had to give a young friend his HIV+ did I fail this kid? I reminded myself, after my private meltdown, that there is only so much any of us can do and thanked the stars I was able to help him navigate his status transition.
All this is to say, simply, thank you. I firmly believe we are all in this fight together; some of are active participants, others are passive agents of change. Hell, even the ones who seem the most ignorant of the facts or who push hateful anti-HIV/AIDS messages have their place, as a springboard for the rest of us to use as an example and talking point while we work in the trenches, on our computers, in our legislatures.
Stay strong, please and know that you are not alone in this fight. Let's stick around to see this thing drug to a halt.
Best wishes,
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Comment by: Maria (Miami) Sat., Mar. 30, 2013 at 2:02 pm UTC
D . thank you so much for your words!! they mean the world please add me on fb maria hiv mejia I have a huge International group and would love you to be a part of it

love and light


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Time to Show My Face and Take the Stigma Away

Maria T. Mejia

Maria T. Mejia

I am a Colombian female who lives in Miami, Florida. I've been positive for 20 years. Although almost all my life I've been in long-term relationships with HIV-negative men, I am happily married to a woman who is wonderful and caring. We have been together almost three years and she is HIV negative. I have no children but we will look into having! I am an activist, a peer educator, a caregiver. I volunteered for the Red Cross in education for the Hispanic HIV community and also the American community. I was a pre- and post-test counselor. I have spoken in many conferences and done a lot of outreach in the community, especially in the schools for prevention and education. It is part of my everyday life to educate everyone I can on this subject. Being HIV positive is nothing to be ashamed about! We are strong women, and we will take away all the stigmas slowly but we have to open up.

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Read more blogs by women living with HIV/AIDS at "A Girl Like Me"

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The Well Project shares its content with to ensure all people have access to the highest quality treatment information available. The Well Project receives no advertising revenue from or the advertisers on this site. No advertiser on this site has any editorial input into The Well Project's content.

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