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HIV/AIDS Blog Central

Just Enough Goodness to Keep Me Going

By Rae Lewis-Thornton

February 25, 2013

This piece originally appeared in Rae's blog, Diva Living With AIDS.

Just Enough Goodness to Keep Me Going

I woke up this morning to a Tweet that made my freaking day. I was lying in bed thanking God for another day and when I was done, I took an assessment of my body; Pelvic Pain -- Yes, Neck Pain -- Yes, Tingling in my Feet -- Yes.

Yes... A deep sigh. I looked to see where Sophie was and smiled; she always makes me smile curled up somewhere in the bed getting her beauty rest. Lately that's how life has been and I take the bitter in stride and embrace the sweet.

No matter what I face, I take it in stride. Either I do, or it will do me in. This I understand to be so true; you can't allow the heaviness of life to weigh you down. You have to do something while under the weight. Even if it's only wiggling your toes. That way you know that the weight doesn't have all of you.

Sometimes we get so caught up in the pain and the heartache, it feels like that's all that life is. When, in fact, life is all of it -- the good, the great, the bad, the ugly and the fucked up. As I muddle through trying to find solutions to all my secondary health issues, I feel weighed down. But the fighter in me won't let anything or anybody have that much control over me, so I appreciate the good moments no matter how small or large they may be. Good is Good and I don't dare depreciate it's value.

So sista girl has been basking in the glory of goodness all morning. OMG! Actress Sheryl Lee Ralph wore my bracelets to the Oscars last night! When I saw her tweet to me, I almost did a two-step, like for real ... for real.

I feel like I won the freaking lottery! I'm so honored and so surprised. I had NO idea that she was going to wear them. I love her combo. She is wearing a black Marc Bowers gown and added color with different tones of green agates from my fall and winter collections.

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Shoot, this is enough goodness to keep me going all week long. It reminded me that in the midst of my pain and doctor's appointments, God still has a life for me to live. There are new bracelets to be designed, blogs to be written, more wonderful moments with Sophie and a new handbag waiting on me in my future. It reminded me to hold onto the goodness however, and whenever, it comes.

Over these last few years of downsizing my life, I have learned that you don't need as much as you thought you did. Most often we are over indulging in this society of more is better.

I love handbags!!! And I probably will never stop buying them. But after having to sell a ton of my designer handbags just to buy groceries, I've learned the hard way to never overlook the smallest of blessings and to never squander them in excess.

When God blesses me with money to pay my bills, I don't take it and buy a handbag with some stupid ass rationalization. I don't misplace my blessing! When you accept your blessing for what it is, then you honor God's gifts to you. I was reminded today, that God will always give you just enough to keep you going. All you have to do is recognize the gift when it strolls your way. Often times we begrudge the small things, waiting on the big things. But I wonder, if you can't handle the small, if God will bless you with the big. So today, I bask in the blessing of my bracelets being showcased in such a grand fashion. It was just enough goodness to keep me going...

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See Also
Ten Things You Can Do to Enhance Your Emotional Well-Being
Depression and HIV
Feeling Good Again: Mental Healthcare Works!
More Personal Viewpoints on Coping With HIV
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Rae Lewis-Thornton Speaks


Rae Lewis-Thornton

Rae Lewis-Thornton

Rae Lewis-Thornton is an Emmy Award-winning AIDS activist who rose to national acclaim when she told her story of living with AIDS in a cover story for Essence Magazine. She has lived with HIV for 27 years and AIDS for 19. Rae travels the country speaking and challenging stereotypes and myths about HIV/AIDS. She has a Master of Divinity degree and is currently working on her Ph.D. in Church History. Rae has been featured on Nightline, Dateline NBC, BET and The Oprah Winfrey Show, as well as in countless magazines and newspapers, including Emerge, Glamour, O, the Oprah Winfrey Magazine, Jet, Ebony, the Washington Post and the Chicago Tribune, to name a few. She earned the coveted Emmy Award for a first-person series on living With AIDS for Chicago's CBS News.

Rae is an active user of social media -- read "Long-Term HIV Survivor Discovers the Power of Twitter," an article on TheBody.com about Rae's social media activities.

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