The past 3 weeks have been an awful time for me. I have been fighting depression, and trying to get back home where I belong. I have been slowly descending into drinking to fight the depression, which also led my wife into kicking me out of our home.

Not being able to be home really got me thinking about all the time we had fun during our lives together, and the desire to get the same feelings back. Although many things were done and said, we have decided to start fresh, and leave all the past in the past. Sure she said she had a boyfriend; that doesn't matter. What does is returning home to my kids and her too.

You see, we have a 16-year-old son, who is diagnosed as schizophrenic, and he has been in a hospital for almost a year because of legal trouble. He's put us into a very dire situation due to costs for lawyers and just the mental strain on my wife and the rest of our family had become more than we could bear. And it's my belief that this helped lead us to turmoil and arguing. He almost burned our home down as a result of this, and so much as saying he was trying to kill us all; he's where he needs to be. As a mother my wife wants him home, and all along I have said no, because we have other kids to consider and since then we have been at each other tooth and nail.

Since we have decided to start new, so far it's working. We have been making sure if we need to say something we will talk about issues we need to address and not ignore what's on our minds, as well as not play mind games. I had even gotten divorce papers and signed them, was getting an apartment too.

I felt I owed it to them all to stop going out and drinking to avoid my problems, because it contributes to everyone's problems, and serves no good. I just didn't see how it was affecting everyone as much as it was.

It's such a different feel when you're used to having family around you all the time, then no one. I felt because of the arguing, I didn't want to be here, and when I was gone there was nowhere I wanted to be more than back home. And it being Christmas, every time I heard "I'll Be Home for Christmas" on the radio it tore me up. But I'm home so I hope it's a start of the rest of our lives together.

Sure, we may run into some problems in the future, but we are making sure we don't try to tear each other apart with animosity and throwing words out that only hurt each other.

I had learned a lot about myself in the past few weeks, and the most obvious is I love my family, and I won't ever leave like that again. And the people I know here on TheBody.com have helped me through a dark cloud in my life in the past, and as well as other times; for that I say thanks. And MERRY CHRISTMAS, be safe and enjoy what life has given us, even if it's troubled times. We can learn from them and truly be blessed when we get through them. Thanks again; you are my other family.

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The Knowledge I Didn't Want

I'm a 44-year-old married male. I have a wife and four children; all but myself are HIV negative. Learning an alarming amount about medical issues and how to deal with them. How I'm trudging along is slow, but forever onward. Sometimes still, but not yet so forever. Learning about growing with HIV, both mentally and physically.

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