April 7, 2012
We've had quite the arrangement since we met two years ago. When we were introduced I cried, I contemplated and I even hyperventilated. My assumptions towards the idea of spending the rest of my life with you involved disaster, falling victim to a nightmare comparable to drowning in the middle of the dark ocean treading up to a non-existing surface; or trying to scream at the top of my lungs to wake up, yet your vocal cords are handicapped.
However, the truth is that the biggest nightmare rests in the physical world. I can only blame me, not you, for coming into my life. Since our relationship began I focused on what I lost, and neglected to see what you've actually given me -- MY LIFE. For that I have to apologize.
It's not your fault that you exist in a world blocked from the outside unless viewed through a bloody vial. In my world I see the way you've been treated; it sure is ugly. It's been thirty years since your sister, AIDS, revealed herself to our world yet many of us continue to bully you, mistaking you for her.
Many are angry at the number of people whose lives were cut short by your sister, yet many still blame you. Many unaffected by you stigmatize you -- wanting nothing to do with people like me who are now related to you.
And even in our own community, where thousands of courageous men and women fight every day to help those of us related to you, fall short on common solutions. Many have prerogatives on one side of the spectrum while others are on the other side, with countless individuals in between. But, there are a few things we agree on:
So, for all mankind, and for the name your sister has created for you, I apologize.
You're not killing me. You're prolonging me.
I wanted to thank you for giving my life back. Forcing me to have quarterly check-ups to make sure I'm satisfying my compromised system gives me the privilege to talk specifically about things like my kidney functions. Because of which I will probably outlive the life I would've continued had we never met.
Finally, with the ounce of faith I have left in the physical world when it comes to you I dream of the day when all people understand you, not fear you or those involved with you. Should a CURE one day, if ever, is revealed I'm sure you'll have no hard feelings. You're a smart cookie and I know you'll find a new way to survive, without the need for humans, somehow.
Until then, here's to our life together.
All the best,
P.S. Do you mind easing up on the insomnia? Sleep is such a luxury these days and we both need our beauty rest.