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The Knowledge I Didn't Want

The Long and Ever-Troubled Road
May 3, 2013

It's been a little while since I've been writing. The reasons are very important and needed to sustain good health in mind, body and spirit.

I have been working at not drinking any alcohol whatsoever; I know most would say it's something I should have quit long ago. If you knew me well enough you would understand it's an outlet for me. In the sense I see different people and I actually enjoy getting out and having a good laugh and the company of people I have known for years. I have tried before, and failed. But, I'm actually finding myself fighting an even more stressful fight and that's to remain with my wife and children.

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Fighting Holiday Blues and Family Challenges
December 24, 2012

The past 3 weeks have been an awful time for me. I have been fighting depression, and trying to get back home where I belong. I have been slowly descending into drinking to fight the depression, which also led my wife into kicking me out of our home.

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People Are More Terrifying Than HIV/AIDS
October 23, 2012

Just recently I went to a doctor's appointment. As I was going through the doors, I noticed a very familiar face. I was so stunned all I could say was, "What are you doing here?" Yeah, just like we were at a store.

It's very obvious I knew what she was there for, as well was the fact she knew the exact same of myself. She happens to be the daughter of someone I've known for many years, and I hadn't had a clue about her diagnosis.

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Don't Think You Can't Learn More About HIV
September 21, 2012

When I came to this site I wasn't as knowledgeable about much of anything involving HIV/AIDS; I wasn't sure what the numbers meant, much less how they affected my health. I was more worried and was just looking to be able to make some sense of what I was facing, and find out how much more I was going to fall apart. I hadn't realized yet that having HIV wasn't going to kill me as I thought it would. After all, when I was a younger man the whole issue wasn't if it would kill you, but how long you had to live with it before it eventually did.

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And Then I Found
August 3, 2012

I was surfing the web to find out some information about HIV/AIDS to better handle and cope with my diagnosis, and I stumbled upon this site. Funny how, not actually knowing what it was I was in search of, finding this site was find of all finds. Even though I was already learning things from my doctors, there were issues on the site that stirred my senses.

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Now I Have to Keep Living
May 31, 2012

I came out of the hospital after finding out how Sustiva could affect a person mentally, and once all the medications were corrected I started to feel better. I was so glad to be back home with my wife and children; being away was trying to me mentally. Not to mention the hospital food isn't fine dining.

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Now for More on My Learning
May 10, 2012

I had to have contracted HIV through a previous relationship; I had back then been with many young ladies, and it was the unfulfilling life that helped me decide to settle down and start a family. Through the starting of a family I really thought I was doing the right thing and didn't think any STD would ever effect me; I could have never been further from reality. Then again was it the homemade tattoos, needles that weren't cleaned properly?

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When Life Gives Us Lemons, Make Some Orange Juice
April 25, 2012

Given the pest in our blood (lemons), we have to take many different medications. Thanks to this we are able to survive, and some are able to continue on in life without hesitation. Then there are those who aren't or weren't as fortunate. At least we can put these pills into our blood and make it turn into orange juice, the very reason we are able to continue on our paths in life or blaze new ones.

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See Also
More Personal Accounts of Heterosexual Men With HIV/AIDS

The Knowledge I Didn't Want



I'm a 44-year-old married male. I have a wife and four children; all but myself are HIV negative. Learning an alarming amount about medical issues and how to deal with them. How I'm trudging along is slow, but forever onward. Sometimes still, but not yet so forever. Learning about growing with HIV, both mentally and physically.

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