Two Poems by Brooke Davidoff

Brooke is one of TheBody.com's bloggers. Check out her blog, Voice of ONE, where she writes about her diagnosis, marriage, pregnancy, parenthood and life with HIV.

You Cannot Break What's Already Broken

You gave this to me
gave it to her
and ran away from both of us

Now you live in your sorrow
self-pity party
we choose to move on

Educate or inebriate
help others or live in a cave
everything in life can be turned around
if you have the right mindset

You can be a victim, or you can overcome shit
MAKE IT MAKE you stronger
the power is in your hands
you just have to make the choice

It's just another excuse for you to drink and get high
to use people
feel sorry for yourself
and blame everyone else

HIV will not become my life
it's just another chapter
pages might be folded
lines highlighted for later

But it's just another piece of me
I continue to live a normal life
if you didn't KNOW
you WOULDN'T know
I joke about it like my friends in college used to
I can't go out, my HIV is acting up

statues can chip
but it takes a lot to tear them down

If you don't laugh
life will kill you
not this disease

Vixen

I used to be a sexy vixen
confident
determined
whose weekend plans consisted of seducing one of my guy friends
and modeling outfits for them

I kept my favorite guys on repeat
for years
alternated their nights and weekends

I didn't eat much
I was thin and hot
a broke, full time working, part time college student
We were not careful by any means

BUT I didn't get HIV from one of those guys
I got it from a 3-year long relationship
someone I thought I was going to marry one day

Now I'm a boring working married overweight mom
I have lost my confidence
my vixen personality
seems to have vanished

I used to use sex to get what I wanted from guys
I'm not sure if I'm afraid of giving it to my husband
or I blame vixen in me for getting HIV in the first place
Now I'm just dirty
Diseased
Searching for the fun sexy me
hoping she comes back one day