January 23, 2012
Well, there you see it ... the scale!
Most women have some ongoing love/hate relationship with their scales. Add HIV or AIDS to the equation, and you get a whole 'nutha dynamic.
I have been talking and writing off an on about my struggle with my weight. And I must say again, that it is not really MY struggle, but other people's struggle with where THEY think I should be as far as weight goes.
I have ALWAYS been small. There was one regimen of HIV meds that put a lot of weight on me, and it was before I was diagnosed with diabetes that my weight blossomed to over 150. Ugh! Talk about a butterball (for me).
Here is my wedding picture, back in 1991. I was 125 tops. Wish I had more pics to post.
Well, this is all I have at the moment.
Since I have been here in Philly, I have gone between 125 and 140. The funny thing is that at 140, I feel horrible, but everyone thinks I look "healthy." Do you have any idea how much of that 140 is actually FAT and not good muscle? When I get my weight down to where I feel good, filled with energy, it is around 120-125. No fat ... muscle. And everyone begins commenting: "you've lost weight," "are you feeling okay?" YES! I am feeling FINE!
In September, when I went to the doctor, I was at 121. A little worrisome, but not the end of the world ... considering it is my ideal weight for my height and age. But, I wanted to put a few more pounds on so folks would stop looking at me as if I were on my last leg. Recently, I have been feeling miserably heavy again. I even remarked this morning: "my skinny jeans don't fit anymore!" Knew I was going to have a battle with the scale again.
Sure enough, I get in the doctors office ... on the scale, and I didn't even want to look at it! It was 131. Not a lot ... but too much for me. I can't run up my stairs without getting winded ... and my clothes do not fit.
My doctor went into her charts ... I am 5'4", and the lowest weight that would be ideal for me is 121. So, to be on the safe side, we are shooting for about 125-6.
So, when you see that I have lost weight. It is because I am getting to a "healthy" weight for ME.
I wrote about this before on a deeper level.