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HIV/AIDS Resource Center for Women
Michelle Lopez Alora Gale Precious Jackson Nina Martinez Gracia Violeta Ross Quiroga Loreen Willenberg  
Michelle Alora Precious Nina Gracia Loreen  

The Girl Who Thought the World Was Round

September 2, 2011

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My 16th Birthday

This is the most saddest year for my future, I suppose to be in school performing academicals activity instead of being a housewife to a man that so lazy to work, I have been treated like a dog, I have been kicked, punch, shout at and so many other stuff than I refuse to remember much nowadays. I do understand that my husband doesn't love me very much and it is "Have too" situation anyway. But come on I am not that stupid.

I always hide the money from my hard work in the fridge and underneath the ice. Every time his asking me money I would tell him I only have 200 a month and I also never tell him how much I really earned.

Do I blame him for what happened in my life? For everything that happened?

For all the reason he tried to sold me and my daughter to MONEYLENDER because he owed the money lender 2000k.

The answer will be No, His just a young man I would say and he doesn't know the responsibility being a husband and a man. Honestly I never did love him. I was young and stupid and I saw him as a ticket away from home. I wish I could change that thinking at this moment.

Of course I also know he doesn't love me that much, it was just we get caught in a scenario that happened along the way of life. Somehow our life met for a while and I am glad to learned a bit about him and myself.

I was just this naïve girl who wears clothes that worth not more than 10.00 and working at rubber estate somewhere in east coast and before I go further about my life I would like to explain more details about rubber so we can better understand. Rubber tree is a tree belonging to the family Euphorbiaceae and the most economically important member of the genus Hevea. It is of major economic importance because its sap-like extract (known as latex) can be collected and is the primary source of natural rubber.

Here how my life in East Coast journey begin, I was pregnant 5 months and my husband is very lazy man, he never want to work and his the eldest among 13 brothers and sisters, I have to cook, wash and clean for all the brothers and sisters and prepare for them to go to school, the youngest age start from 2, 4, 6, 8, 9,10,11,14, 15, 16, 17 and 20. I have to work in rubber estate to help my in laws and sad to say I woke up every 5am early morning and start walking to the rubber estate while being pregnant of Trisha and by the time I finish it will take until 11am and heading back to this home and start cooking for all of them, they had no washing machine so I have to hand wash all their clothes, wash their shoes, cook for them and I only rest at 7pm.

They still remember how when they all young, I've wash their clothes and cooked for them and teach them English and help doing their home work and cry with them whenever they got beaten by their parents. The only person I never keep in touch is my ex-husband. Until today whenever my in law sisters and brothers got time, they will always catch up with me and they proud of me now.

Life is so hard because back then there's no gas and electricity in this place, 6pm everything so quiet and so dark. At night so freaking hot and I having problems to sleep at night, every morning when I saw teenagers girl around my age go to school, I was so sad because I was only15 yrs and I love to go to school and that part of my life has been taken away from me and for a very long time I was not a very happy person.

I always blame my luck for everything that goes wrong in my life. I always got good grades in school, I was the president for English association in my school, I got 8a's for PMR and I also a prefect in school and all that had been taken away from me within 1 day.

It is kind of life experienced from me to learned to start a fire from rubber, to learn harvest through a rubber tree as earlier as 5.30am every morning. It is a tough job to build a rubber shoes and I really appreciate my life experienced in this.

There also a moment when I tell myself enough, I was push to my threshold point, it started when:

Trisha was a baby, my husband as usual working late at night because his working on shift, Trisha suddenly got bad fever, she has been crying and crying and I just couldn't stand it. I have to take her to clinic and I called my husband but he said he can't or perhaps he didn't care ... I knock my neighbor house; let's call him Eddie, his wife went outstation. I told him my daughter was sick and I need to borrow him some money until my husband got back ... He said no problem but I have to suck his dick in order to ask for his help ...

I tell myself in the head ... Fuck how am I suppose to do, Trisha lips becoming so blue and I am so damn worried and I said ok ... That disgusting period goes off for a while, I am not counting and I just can't wait this to be over, which it did end so I hurray too picked up

Trisha and went to nearby clinic in Clinic, he took me by bike and we reached at the clinic and the doctor said a minute late my daughter will go to serious fever condition.

I thank God for that but I do feel myself so dirty at that moment onwards... things doesn't improved my husband did owe a money lender money and the money lender can't get their money.

Things go wrong and I remember I ran through my windows from my kitchen with my daughter and run away to my grandmother house for few weeks. I filed a police report and move on to the next chapter of my life.

The funny part is I still have not finish running. I run when I was young, I run again when I was married, I run from money lender, I run again when my neighbor house caught fire, I run again from a dog and I wish one day when all the running is over, my last run will be on the top of the mountain in Switzerland, running with my dogs around and my granddaughters and grandson ...

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