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HIV/AIDS Resource Center for Women
Michelle Lopez Alora Gale Precious Jackson Nina Martinez Gracia Violeta Ross Quiroga Loreen Willenberg  
Michelle Alora Precious Nina Gracia Loreen  

The Girl Who Thought the World Was Round

September 2, 2011

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11 Years Old ...

I am studying very hard for UPSR ... I want to enter police academy and I want to be a police chief officer and handle CID. My sister has been acting really weird lately. I think they are into boy's stage...

I work at the book store so I can save every penny I have then I can buy myself a lot of books because my grandfather use to tell me knowledge is power.

I was helping this lady at my school selling book at the bookstore and she will give me 10% of every book I help her sell... I think it's an excellent idea because I only get 20 cent a day from my grandmother. I have been working close to 3 weeks when my sister spots me with the bookstore lady and selling books and the next thing I know they told my grandmother ...

I grandmother scolded me so bad that she said all the mean things to me "She said, I don't give you enough money is it to eat? Then don't stay with me anymore, stop schooling and start working? Then she went to take the rubber hose from the garden and start beating me with it. I haven't got my opportunity to explain why, my sister's start laughing at me when I am screaming for help. For days the bruise was there, when the bruise gone I left with a scar in my heart and that day I promise to proved to her I can be better than she taught I can be ...

I start helping neighbor selling Nasi Lemak (traditional Malaysian Food), and she gave me 50 cents every day and I able to safe and bought ... lots of books.

I was be able to save money and at the same times after school before my normal route to home, I will start reading travelling book and I will also starts learning to speak English with some friends I met along the way. I have been spending most of my time at the book store nearby my school while waiting for my grandfather finish work.

Most of the book I pick up was pretty interesting. I used to believe there are such things as happily ever after in life, and they will be a prince charming will save me from this evil world, what a crept and I wonder where do they have the story from because it is such a plain bullshit.

Happy Ever after does exist if you work hard in younger age, and start taking 25 different language lessons, and dance lesson, and culture lesson and perhaps with bigger dream and hope that one day you have achieved half of ur dream then happily ever after is possible.

This is one of those things that teacher in school either they forgotten to mentioned it or they didn't allowed to mention reality to students or they get fired. In reality most of us will end up doing something that we never learned before, or doing things that illegal or we are damn pretty and damn good looking we end up being rich because of the way we look or the most easy life to achieved either we find ourselves a damn old fart man and rich, we marry him for few years and he died. Which most of old man now live much longer than the doctor has predicted? So what are those chances that we will be Happily Ever after ...?

So the best in live I would say be independent and fight for what u believe in life. Even though sometimes it might take longer time than you have assumed, that is life isn't? To take chances on things you really believe ...

12 Years Old ....

I am looking forward for exams because I want to do well in school, I stay up in school from 6am to 6pm, helping teacher with projects, helping auntie in canteen sells food, start visiting bookstore to look for story to read, I was into Enid By ton books because I wanted to be a police officer/ private investigator ...

My sisters run away from home after failed in O level.

I don't know what happened to them, my grandmother was very sad and people start to look for them ...

One evening policeman with uniform came to our house, they are looking for my dad ...and that is how I find out about what actually happened between my dad and my mom ...

My sisters was arrested for stealing someone car in fact she broke in into someone car and steal and she have to face the consequences by facing a Judge in Juvenile court, I remember following my grandmother to the court and my grandmother begging for help from some people who she use to help them whenever they came to the house as a patient. However the Judge has decide on the punishment, my sister will be send to Juvenile school for 5 year unless is their behavior is excellent, then most probably they can come back earlier to home.

We often make a trip to visit them before Raya (for Muslim festival) or anytime when my grandmother has enough money to make a trip there. Sometimes I wonder if my sister ever regrets on what happened to them. A part of me wants to believe they can change but a part of me having doubt about them.

I start working during school holiday while waiting for my result at black market, helping my neighbor sell some foods, I only work 3 times a week, I get around 5 dollar a day, that is pretty good money for me.

I have few friends around my neighborhood area, most of them are boys, so we will start playing counting the star game, and whoever finish first will have to read any story to all of us, I normally will be the person reading a stories every week because the rest of them can't read English.

I can only play with my friend when my grandmother not at home, because most of my friends in my neighborhood really terrified of my grandmother, so none of them dare to play with me.

Sometimes I will start talking to myself or start creating a song in my heads to just pass the day. It is so lonely for children at my age without friends; I tend to not having any self confidence in life. I hate the way my hair was, I hate the way my boobs were, I hate everything about myself.

I passed my O level excellently I got 4a in my exam and I also got an offered to continue at police academy , but my grandmother reject it because of we don't have enough money at that moment because we have to give money every month to my sisters.

I feel very sad but life move on, not always we get what we want but that doesn't mean the dream shut off forever.

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