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HIV/AIDS Resource Center for Women
Michelle Lopez Alora Gale Precious Jackson Nina Martinez Gracia Violeta Ross Quiroga Loreen Willenberg  
Michelle Alora Precious Nina Gracia Loreen  

The Girl Who Thought the World Was Round

September 2, 2011

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My Childhood Memory That Left ...

I have this habit since I was young, I love to climbed on the roof and stays there for a while, in fact I feel peace everything I'm here, sometimes I can hear my grandmother start looking for me and I can see and hear her very clearly, I can also see others neighbor doing some cooking, sometimes I can see their husband doing something they shouldn't have done. I can see everything from my old house. This was my secret place for few years actually; till One day my grandmother found out about it and start hitting me for climbing the tree and there goes my hiding place.

I have to admit that my childhood experience was not like others. I had no dolls to play with; I had no friend to be with.

I was alone ....I always ALONE ...

Memory 4

One day my grandmother caught me not going to school, I was feeling really down over what people said about me. I was crying very hard in school for weeks for what that tells me, they said I am a bad luck girl that's why my parents left me and die, when I was very young.

Nobody wants an ugly girl like me, I was very sad ...

I went to Lake Garden by myself and looking at the lake in front of me, I saw this lovely couple in front of me with 2 beautiful daughters and I wish they are my parents, the women look so lovely and the guy look so caring and I can't wait to be an adult and to have my own family.

After spending few hours day I decided to come back home and perhaps coming out with another lies to my grandmother. The moment I got back home, I have this very uneasy feeling in my stomach and I knew something wrong when I saw my grandmother face. She and my aunt was waiting for me to come back and before I could even reach at the stairs, she already whacked me with the belt that have this huge buckle in front, I remember watching animal plant when the monkey got beaten up with the other mother monkey and the monkey squirming like a worm due to the pain. I was re acted exactly like the monkey, the pain of the leather belt touch my back make me feel tremendously painful and stubborn at the same times. I try to maintain my facial expression with and additional loud oooo follow at the tip of my tongue ...

My grandmother swing another time and this time somehow I be able to caught it with my hands and then I let it go and I actually making her more angry because she thought I was rebel over her action. I was not; I just caught it out of re action. My aunts grab my hair and swing my head against the wall on my house.

Now to some of you this sounds like abusive behavior but to people in my country this is very common in here. It's a part of teaching from 60s and throughout 80's ... so what happened at the end when my auntie so tired from "beating" she started to cry and starts to hug me and told me not to do it again. And that's about it. My grandmother and my aunt never knew until today what actually happened to me that day.

Sometimes when my mind start to mingle around and the flash back came to my head, I do realize if they don't taught me that way, I wouldn't have stories to tell.

Lesson 5

In my younger age, I was not attractive neither I am HOT, I was this normally girl, dark skin, cheap clothes and wear this tick glasses to school. I am ugly basically just by definition. I believe all teenagers been through this phrase of life.

So one day I saw this movie Bionic woman, and I adore her totally, I want to change myself to her and wear red lipstick. So I went to aunt room and took her lipstick and start putting on my face before I go to weekend class, I thought I was the most beautiful girl in town, because everyone was looking at me and I feel proud even if is for a wrong reason, as I about to reach to school, I decided to see how I look on the car side mirror and I thought ok I look weird because my lipstick was orange and I look so damn dark and I thought make up suppose to give you this magical look. When I reach at school, everyone was laughing at me and some of the boys said even giraffe look damn good with my lipstick, I was so upset with what they said, I run to bathroom and wipe the lipstick off my face and lock myself in the bathroom until I feel much better and I come out. That was the first and definitely not a last attempt from me to look beautiful.

When I got back my grandmother was furious over my aunt missing lipstick because my aunt said the lipstick is expensive about 20 bucks, my grandmother took a small chili and start putting on my lips I was screaming because some of those chilies went to my eyes and my lips feel so numb and spicy and I cried so much that the tears making my eyes even worst. So I have learnt my lesson that in life, we will make ourselves look silly just to look good.

What I am sharing today it is a start of my life, for those who follow my blog this is not just a stories of women and mother who try to raise a child, but this is a story of a girl that been thru many different path in her life ... Will be continue ...

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