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HIV/AIDS Blog Central

Testing Day


A Video Blog

By Jermaine Wright

August 10, 2011

November 2, 2009 I went to the clinic in Baltimore, MD, and got an HIV test, which came back positive. After speaking with the case worker I left with two of my friends, and the whole time all I could think about was my boyfriend. I had gotten into a relationship with him August 16th of that same year and we had probably only used a condom on one occasion. From listening to the rumors that had caused me to get tested in the first place, I had narrowed down the timeframe that I could have contracted it. So the thoughts of passing the virus to someone else echoed in my head the whole ride home.

At this time I was living with my boyfriend's mom so of course when I got home she was there. I wasn't ready to tell her what had just happened to me yet because I didn't know how she would handle the thought of her son possibly being infected with HIV, and much worse, INFECTED BY ME. I went up the stairs and said my hellos; then my friends and I went back down the stairs and out the door. It was burning me up inside to go back in and just tell her what was going on. Instead I decided to ride around Baltimore and wait for my boyfriend to get out of school.

School lets out and there I am faithfully, waiting on my boyfriend and his home-girl to get in the car so they can go get tested. It was one of the worst car rides I had taken with my boyfriend since we had been together. I didn't want to tell him what just went on a few hours ago because I wanted him to go in the clinic with an optimistic look on things. I mean he could still be negative right?

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First stop, the clinic where I got tested earlier that day. Just my luck, they didn't do testing after a certain time. So we rode around to Planned Parenthood and their testing was only by appointment. What the hell! Finally we found this clinic that was open but they wouldn't do any testing for a few more hours. So we went right back to the first place and I spoke with the case worker and pleaded with him to do the testing. Success!

He called the girl in first. She came out and sat with me in the waiting room while my boyfriend went in to get his test.

"So how was it," I asked.

"I came back negative," she said. Sigh of relief for her. Then I decided to tell her that I had gotten tested earlier that day. She looked at me confused. "How did yours come out?"

"Positive!"

"Are you serious?! Did you tell Rico* yet?"

"No I didn't want him to be scared when he got his test done. He'll probably be OK though." I was really trying to make myself believe that but it just wasn't working.

Time continues to go by slowly and finally the case worker comes out to the printer. I ask him is everything OK and he says that Rico is fine. Now I'm confused, is he poz or neg? I asked Mr. Landerson could I go back in the room with Rico. He goes back and asks him then comes back to the waiting room to let me know that it's OK for me to come back. I walk in the testing room and Rico is sitting on the examining bed. So I stay standing and start looking at HIV posters on the wall.

"My test came back positive," he mumbled.

"Wow. Well I got tested earlier today and my test came back positive also."

He immediately started crying and we walked out to the receptionist so she could print him a slip to get his blood drawn. He falls on the floor like those girls from the DNA testing show. I asked him if he was OK and he said all that's going through his head is my children and how he infected their dad with HIV. I had to explain to him that I am the one that most likely gave it to him. I was taking into account the timing of my symptoms along with the timing of when I had sex with Ray*. Also Rico had gotten sick about a month after we had started having sex so I was sure that it was I that had given it to him.

The three of us left the clinic and headed back home. Rico's home-girl lived around the corner so I parked the car at Rico's house and she walked home. Rico and I walked in the house and it seemed like the whole damn family was sitting there expecting us. He walked over to his mom and told her that he needed to speak with her upstairs. She told him to go ahead and speak. He told her again and she finally went upstairs and away from the rest of the family to listen in private.

"I'm HIV positive." He got right to the point.

"What! You're what?!" She said this as if he didn't just say what she thought he said.

"I went and got tested today and I'm HIV positive," he repeated.

I didn't stay around for the rest of the conversation. The thought of standing in front of his mom knowing I had infected her son was too much to bear at the time. I ran downstairs and out the door and started crying. Not one of those regular cute cries, but the ugly, distorted face, bawling and screaming cries. I HAD JUST INFECTED A 17 YEAR OLD WITH HIV.

Check out my past video on the topic of "Infecting Your Partner":



* Names have been changed.

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See Also
More Inspiring Stories of Gay Men With HIV
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Reader Comments:

Comment by: EeeDee (MO) Tue., Jun. 5, 2012 at 1:07 pm EDT
I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 months now, about a month ago he made the dreaded phone call to me that he just found out that he is Positive and suggested I get tested. I did that day and 2 days later I found out that I am negative....as of right now. I have decided to stay with him regardless. I do go see an infectious disease doctor soon to be tested again and if for nothing else but to be educated on how to have a close to normal life with him. Any suggestions?
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Comment by: Anton M. (Orangeburg, SC) Sat., Jan. 14, 2012 at 8:52 pm EST
I think knowing that you infected someone is even more devastating than contracting the virus, especially when it's someone you care about. Are you and your boyfriend still together?
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Comment by: douglas (boston, ma) Mon., Aug. 29, 2011 at 6:38 pm EDT
You know what you did was in character, As the saying goes it takes two to tango.It would have been better to tell your partner first off anyways, but am sure you felt you had to comprise your feelings. Take care.
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Replies to this comment:
Comment by: Pozlyfe09 (Michigan) Wed., Aug. 31, 2011 at 10:17 am EDT
To tell my partner what? In the story i do convey that we both found out our status on the same day! So what would there have been for me to tell in advance?


Comment by: Ken S (Canton, Ohio) Sat., Aug. 27, 2011 at 10:12 pm EDT
So Touching
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Comment by: Kimberly (Florida) Thu., Aug. 25, 2011 at 3:26 pm EDT
Hello Jermaine,
I like your blog and the fact that you are telling your story. I appreciate you doing your part to advocate for HIV/AIDS awareness and education. As a HIV/AIDS awareness educator, I view your video blog and find that I am limited on the audience I could share this with due to your language. This is a suggestion for you to think about... how would you present this message to teens. I would like to have something "real" to take into the schools and churches. Consider altering you verbage for that purpose,and that purpose alone. How many more can your reach?

Thank you for your consideration,
Kim
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Replies to this comment:
Comment by: PozLyfe09 (Michigan) Sat., Aug. 27, 2011 at 9:37 am EDT
Hello Kim,

Thank you for your constructive criticism. When I first began to make my videos it was never a part of my vision to be on major website or to do motivational speaking. In my earlier videos you may find a lot of string language. Now that I have made it onto these websites I have polished my language to make my videos more friendly to a wider audience.

With that being said, if you are interested in using this video for whatever purpose just email me at, pozlyfe09@gmail.com and I will remake this video just for you :)



Comment by: faisal (Saudi arabia) Fri., Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:19 pm EDT
Hi Jermaine, was inspired with how you are facing right now. I just wanna ask you something. Before you got tested for HIV. did you had a fever and any other early signs and symtomptoms of HIV.. What did you feel that prompted you to seek medical attention? thanks.
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Comment by: PozLyfe09 (Michigan) Sat., Aug. 27, 2011 at 9:44 am EDT
My fever was 104 for two weeks. I had the fever for so long that at times my body began to twitch on its own. I experience extreme malaise, barely eating, white spots on my throat. I would have to say it was kicking my butt. ling with that I developed this big lump on the back of my neck that cause me a lot of pain when I would turn my head. This lump was the size of a bottle cap.

To answer your second question I would love for you to read
m fist blog, "Everything That Glitters Ain't Gold."

P.S. just because I experienced these symptoms does not mean that everyone else will. Some people may not show any signs or symptoms. Just get tested and if you come up negative, find your local health department or AIDS Service Organization and receive education.


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Jermaine Wright

Jermaine Wright

Jermaine Wright is a young, black, bisexual father of five who is also living with HIV. Following a period of service in the Army he is now at the Community AIDS Resource and Education Services of Southwest Michigan (CARES) where he promotes Mr. Friendly, a prevention tool used to raise awareness of the stigma associated with HIV. His mission is to reach out to other young black people living with HIV in a safe manner via his YouTube channel, PozLyfe09. For many youth, this is the only place they can go to discuss and share about living with HIV with someone who is open about his status and sexuality. Topics of his videos include: disclosure, dating, fathering a child post HIV diagnosis, passing on the virus, barebacking while HIV positive and more.

Speaking engagements: Jermaine Wright is available to speak to groups. Contact Jermaine about speaking at your organization or event!

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