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Getting Pregnant: HIV-Positive Single Man or HIV-Positive Man in Same-Sex Relationship (Serodiscordant or Seroconcordant)

October 2012

There are several different options for reducing the chances of passing on HIV while trying to get pregnant. If you are an HIV+ single man or an HIV+ man in a same-sex relationship looking for information on having a child, the options below will help you understand what might be the best for you, and to prepare for discussions with your health care provider. (For other options, you can return to the main "Getting Pregnant and HIV" page.)


Sperm Washing

Sperm washing refers to a process in which sperm is separated from seminal fluid (semen = sperm + seminal fluid). Since HIV exists in seminal fluid but not in sperm, "washing" the sperm clean of the seminal fluid lowers the risk of infection. See "Understanding the Science" for more information. Any of the types of assisted reproduction listed below can be used with washed sperm to get an HIV- surrogate pregnant. Although it is biologically possible to have an HIV+ man's washed sperm fertilize a donor's egg and be implanted in a surrogate, you may encounter several legal or regulatory challenges to this option. Even if it is legal in your state, you may find fertility clinics or surrogacy centers unwilling to provide this service to HIV+ men.


Female anatomy


Assisted Reproduction

This means that a sperm fertilizes an egg with the help of a medical technique or therapy. Assisted reproduction (sometimes called "assisted reproductive technology" or ART) is useful when the future parent(s) require help to prevent HIV transmission between partners, are using donor sperm, or are having difficulty getting pregnant at home because of fertility issues. Unfortunately, few facilities offer assisted reproduction to HIV+ patients, and few health insurance plans cover it. There are several types of assisted reproduction that can be used with washed sperm:


Adoption

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Offering a permanent family to a parentless child may be an option if having biologic offspring is not a good choice for you. Adoptions can be done within the US or internationally. Some agencies and/or countries may have prejudices against HIV+ people adopting children. In addition, adoption may be more difficult as a single man or as a man in a same-sex relationship given different states' and/or international adoption rules. Some states and countries do not allow single or same-sex parents to adopt. Even in those that allow it, there are often prejudices against single or same-sex parents and in favor of heterosexual married couples.


Finding a Provider and Building a Support Network

Regardless of your HIV status, choosing to have a child can be a very difficult and very exciting decision. While having a supportive relationship with a knowledgeable health care provider is a good idea for any potential parent, for people living with HIV it is even more important. A friendly health care provider can talk with you about many issues around pregnancy and having children: which option is right for you, appropriate HIV treatments for you and/or your partner, whether to disclose your HIV status to others (including other providers, your child's pediatrician, additional friends and family), and how to handle the stigma and fear around being HIV+ and pregnant.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find a friendly health care provider who is knowledgeable about HIV and pregnancy. Some health care providers simply are not aware of the wealth of information about pregnancy planning for their HIV+ patients. Perhaps even more challenging, though, are the judgmental attitudes still held by many health care providers. When The Well Project's Founder, Dawn Averitt Bridge, asked providers about getting pregnant, she faced some very negative reactions before she found a wonderful provider who supported her desire to have children. For more about Dawn's experience in trying to get pregnant, and subsequently, having two healthy HIV-negative daughters, please read the links below:

The Well Project has started a list of friendly family planning providers who are informed about pregnancy planning for HIV+ people. Even though the providers listed might not be in your area or town, it might be worth a call or email to answer any questions you might have or for possible referrals. You can also contact Shannon Weber with the Perinatal HIV Hotline at sweber@nccc.ucsf.edu for questions about pregnancy planning and resources for people living with HIV.

Given the existing stigma against HIV+ people having children, you may encounter judgmental responses from others. Therefore, it is important that you build a strong support network of loving family, friends, and providers. Your support network can help you make good decisions and weather the negative, sometimes disheartening moments. If you do not have a good number of friends and family who support you, you may consider starting your own support group; for more information, see our info sheet "Starting a Support Group."

Ultimately, you get to choose when and whether to have children. You deserve to be treated with respect and given access to the information necessary to make an informed decision and plan for your future.




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