Disclosure and HIV

Who May Not Need to Know

People with disabilities, including HIV, are protected from job discrimination under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA). However, you should think carefully before disclosing your HIV status at work. You do not have to tell your employer that you are HIV+. If you have not had any HIV-related symptoms or illnesses and are not on medications that are affecting your job performance, there is probably no need tell.

If HIV or your medications are interfering with your ability to work, it may be a good idea to privately disclose your status to your boss. You can ask for an adjustment in your schedule or workload so that you can continue to do your job. Because the law regards an HIV+ person as a disabled person, your employer is required to reasonably accommodate your needs if you are otherwise qualified to perform the essential duties of the job.

If you are planning to disclose at work for employee or benefits purposes (like reasonable accommodation, insurance, disability, or medical leave), contact an employee benefits counselor or an HIV or legal advocate before disclosing.

Whom You May Want to Tell

Women often choose to disclose their status to close friends and family members whom they trust. For many, telling those closest to them provides them with both emotional and practical support.

Some people decide to become more public and use their stories to advocate for others with the government or in the media. Others may disclose for educational purposes to neighbors, community and religious groups, schools, other HIV+ people, or healthcare providers. Many women find a sense of purpose and increased self-esteem by telling their story.

You may want to consider how much of your story you are ready to tell. Many people will ask you how you became infected. If you decide not to share that information, have a reply ready such as, "does it really matter?" or simply state that you are not ready to talk about that.

Disclosing to Children

For moms considering telling their children, it is important to ask yourself why you want to tell them:

• Will they be angry if you keep a secret?
• Do they suspect something?
• Are you sick?

Children can react to the news of HIV in the family in many different ways. Older kids may be upset that you kept a secret from them. Younger children may just want to go back to their toys. Partial truths can be helpful when telling children. You may decide only to tell them as much as you consider appropriate for their age.

It is important to remember that kids need support, too. If you can, give them the name of another adult they can talk to, perhaps a family member or friend they can trust. Several books are available that deal with the issue of disclosure to children A good place to start is www.kidstalkaids.org/program/index.html. Also see our info sheet on Talking with Your Children about Your HIV Status.

Taking Care of Yourself

There are some good reasons to tell people that you have HIV:

• Getting support from family and friends, at the time of diagnosis and in the future
• Fostering a sense of closeness with friends and loved ones
• Reducing the risk of HIV transmission to others
• Not having to live with the stress of keeping HIV a secret
• Ensuring that you get the most appropriate care and treatment from your health care providers
• Feeling empowered from disclosing

In close relationships, studies show that living with a secret, such as HIV, can be more emotionally harmful than the rejection that could result from disclosure. Many women who have kept a secret for a long time feel a sense of relief after telling.

However, telling other people that you have HIV can also have downsides. It is important to think carefully about whom you tell. Remember that once you disclose, you cannot take it back. ASOs and health care clinics can offer resources to guide you through the disclosure process.