Justin's HIV Journal

This World AIDS Day I remember all those I've known who are infected with this disease and who have passed because of it. I was lighting my candle and a lot of faces went through my mind. Today was a day of remembrance and I stood silent. But I also left my house and took a long walk to clear my head of things. I found a clearing in a wooded area where I live and sat in the earth. I meditated and felt as if they were here with me. I want to tell them and you all that they will not be forgotten. I will always hold a candle for them, I will always run the AIDS Walk/5K Run, and I will always remember.

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What can I say? He's my son and he's using condoms and being responsible. I wasn't really happy that he said that to me, but happy that he's using condoms.

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Dear Justin,
I just found you on YouTube; I've been researching HIV a lot these past two weeks because my boyfriend just tested positive. I am scared shitless. I don't know what to do.

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Justin,
I found you through a search on Google for HIV. I need your help. I am an HIV-negative female. I have a best friend named David. We have been friends for sixteen years and it was back in high school that we met. We dated briefly but we decided to become friends and plus he was gay -- LOL. But the reason why I'm writing you is because he found out a couple of months ago that he was HIV-positive. When he told me I broke down and cried; we cried together for at least an hour. After that he started going out to clubs a lot and stopped calling as often. I visited him and I have never seen his house look so dirty. Dust was everywhere and he looked like hell and obviously wasn't taking care of himself. I want to know what I should do. Please let me know what you think I should do.

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Back in 2006 I was diagnosed with HIV and I cried about it at first. People of course think when they are being diagnosed with HIV is that their first thought is that they are going to die, NOT I. I very first thought that made me cry was that I wasn't going to be able to have any children. At the time I didn't know about sperm cleansing at all. I felt like I was damaged goods and I thought I would never have the feeling of being a good father. With the feelings that came with my HIV diagnosis, also went the feelings that I would ever hear anyone call me Dad. After my diagnosis the idea of being a father just went away because I didn't feel like I could ever do it while being HIV positive. Let's break this down:

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"I've been reading and watching your blog, Justin's HIV Journal, and I've been a fan of yours and it is truly inspirational to see your strength through it all. Well, all in all, I've been diagnosed with HIV for a year now and I've been very open with my status to guys I've tried to date and to even some of my friends. Now I'm single and I feel more alone than ever. I've tried to date poz guys, but most of the ones I've met want to only bareback and I don't want any part of it. I'm scared I will be alone for the rest of my life until the day I die. Any words of advice for me?"

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There are a lot of things I hope to accomplish and being HIV positive not only pushes me harder but makes me open to new things and possibilities. I love a challenge and I almost thrive on them. In February some of my friends were talking about us doing the Rebel Race. I had no idea what it was so I googled it. I watched a video of people running up steep hills, doing low crawls through mud, jumping through hurdles, etc. There were all sorts of obstacle courses and so I e-mailed my close friends and we decided to run it.

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Pride is a great event no matter where you are, how big your pride gets or how many organizations are a part of it. This was a particularly special Capital Pride for me. I was honored as one of five Capital Pride Heroes Award Recipients. I was so surprised and happy when I got that call.

Also I'm being inducted into the D.C. AIDS Heroes Exhibit at the International AIDS Conference that is happening in Washington D.C. July 22-27. I will definitely be there for about two days at the conference because that is all I could afford.

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I SO HATE ROSACEA SHE HAS GOTTEN ON MY LAST NERVE!!!! Okay One day I looked in the mirror and I started seeing redness on my nose. I didn't think too much of it because even since I was a teenager my face used to break out every time the seasons change. It didn't matter what season it was my face would look like a pizza for a week's time. So after a week went by I started to see the redness grow from my nose to my cheeks. I got a little worried because this had never happened to me before. The infection was really gross, it was red scaly and dry and in some cases there would be little pimples that would show up in the redness. SO I was really worried at this point.

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Gypsy,

Every time I hear one of my friends say, "I'm going to be abstinent," I think about the reasons why they might say so. There are so many reasons. Some of the people I know decide to because of spiritual reasons, some do it because they are scared of catching HIV or an STI, and others because they suffer from low self-esteem and fear rejection. Listen, if you want to remain abstinent it is okay. I honestly think that anyone who wants to can, but do it for the right reasons.

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