HIV/AIDS Blog Central: Perspectives From the HIV/AIDS Community

Ask anyone involved in HIV/AIDS activism about the current state of the movement and the answers might range anywhere from stagnated, stalled or quite possibly a bit more optimistic, citing the phrase "AIDS-free generation." The answer typically denotes the person's experience within the community and to some degree reflects their journey with HIV/AIDS. We have inched closer to longer life-expectancy while at the same time creating a diminished a sense of urgency and self-determination that as a community we once had, but now have lost.

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In my travels, I have heard that some people, as a result of their economic situation, have actually wanted to and tried hard to contract HIV so that they would be eligible for the social services that would not ordinarily be afforded them if they were not HIV positive. In that regard they refer to HIV as "the gift."

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I was going through some old military things and came across a video of me in Basic Training. Of course, that was back in 1999 when I was just 19 years old. This was during the era of the policy of "Don't Ask Don't Tell." Also, since it is dated, it was on a VHS tape. I thought to myself, "Wow, I've grown a lot since then." My foster son used to express interest in the military. He said, "Dad, I want to be a Marine." Of course, his father and I tried to persuade him to join the Air Force or the Army, since I'm prior Air Force and my husband is prior Army. After that discussion I think my foster son decided to change his mind about even going into the service, but who knows, he is a teenager and may change his mind later.

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So, I've decided to take my doctor's orders seriously. When it comes to HIV, it is really important that one keeps their stress levels down and, unfortunately, it has been harder for me than not. I've decided to not let anything or anyone stress me out and if that means cutting people out of my life completely or putting them in another category, so be it. I also emphasize to always look after your own health. I've decided to go to bed earlier, drink less and really try to quit smoking.

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Recently, I went to my doctor's appointment and saw that I had borderline hypertension. The doctor also said that my T cells had dropped as well. This is NOT good. But I'm still undetectable, which is good. All my vitals were good except of course because of hypertension. I'm only 33 and someone has told me I'm much too young to have this diagnosis. Since I'm in school for my master's degree, engaging in activism and writing and having a kid on top of that, stress has been at its highest I've ever had in my life.

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The Bible says that faith is the things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. With this in mind, I keep moving in the direction of better. Better does not always mean what you want, but in the end it becomes the solution that becomes your blessing.

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As she sleeps, I hear her snoring softly. To me, there is no sound more comforting; and is, quite possibly, the thing I will miss most. My dog, Wilma, has cancer and it's spreading inside her. With the wisdom of my trusted vet, I've decided not to pursue surgery or other procedures to prolong her life. She is resting comfortably now with the help of painkillers and steroids. I know in my heart that her ball fetching days are over. I am mentally preparing for life without her and making arrangements to have her euthanized in our home and to be buried in the country.

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In these times when the conversation is all about NON-disclosure, I'm becoming increasingly a fan of the very opposite. In short, I think many more people need to disclose.

Here's the thing. It's unfashionable to say so, I know, but I think we should disclose, when we can do so safely, in almost all sexual and nonsexual situations where it makes sense.

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I got a fabulous letter in the mail a few weeks back:

Your medical provider has some important news for you. Your primary care and HIV doctor is leaving our practice and is no longer your doctor. As of 01/09/2013 he is no longer your doctor. We understand your relationship with your doctor is important to you. We want to help make this change as easy as possible.

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In addition to my work on TheBody.com, I work full time at TPAN (Test Positive Aware Network). We are Chicago's oldest peer-led organization providing support to Chicago's most vulnerable populations. One of our newest programs, HOTTER (Healthy Outcomes Through Treatment, Empowerment and Recovery) provides mental health/substance abuse support for African American MSM ages 18 to 29, a population that has been, and continues to be disproportionately affected by HIV, mental health, and substance abuse issues.

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