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HIV Life >> Women

CHIKITA
Newbie

Reged: 02/03/10
Posts: 8
what THE HECK about me!!!!!!
      02/03/10 07:27 AM

IN PHILADELPHIA, 2008 AFTER 2 YEARS OF UNPROTECTED SEX WIT HIM, MY HUSBAND WAS DX WIT AIDS AND VERY AND CLOSE TO DEATH AT THE TIME IT WAS A SHOCK 7 MONTHS PREGNANT WE HAD JUSY BEEN MARRIED ABOUT A YEAR, AND TOTAL DEVASTATION!!!!! AS I SIT TRY TO GET PAST THIS WHOLE THING I OFTEN FEEL WELL WHAT HECK ABOUT ME AS I SAT IN THE ER BIG AND PREGNANT I WATCHED THE TONE CHANGE WITH EVERYONE EVERYTHING BECAME WEIRD AND NO ONE IS TELLING ME ANYTHING!!!! THE MAIN CONCEARN WAS TO TREAT HIM AND I UNDERSTANDD THAT PART, BUT WHEN DO U TELL A WOMAN WIT CHILD THURS, IT IS NOW NEXT WEDS AND MY PRIMARY DOCTOR WALK IN AND SAYS DOES SHE NO MY HUSBAND START TO TALK ABOUT SOME PROCEADURE DOC CUTS HIM OFF AND STATES CLEARLY U TELL HER BEFOR THE WEEK IS OUT OR I WILL 2 DAYS LATER I AM STILL ASKIN WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON, FINALLY HE SAYS SOMETHINGS WRONG WIT MY T CELL IM A RN SO NOW I SEE, WOW!!!!!!!!!
MY MEMORY RUSHES BCK TO HOW COULD I MISS ALL THIS WERE WAS THE NURSE IN ME HIS WIFE BEFORE ME HAD DIED WIT LUPUS LITTLE THINGS HIS FAMILY WOULD SAY, AND ONE BIG THING AFTER WE BOTH TOOK TEST BUT ON DIFFERENT DAYS EVERYTINGS FINE HE LIED THOUGH NOW TIME FOR INSURANCE POLICY TEST BIG ARGUMENT HE WINDS UP LEAVIN I TAKE THE TEST ALONE, HMMM SOOOO BLIND. IT IS NOW 2010 HE IS DOING WELL I BIRTHED A SON I DID NOT CONTRACT THE VIRUS, IT JUST LIKE THIS, HAVE U HAD THE FLU LATELY U TESTED NEG BEFORE U SHOULD BE OK THAT WAS IT I WAS PREGNANT MY MENTAL HEALTH WAS DONE I TOOK THE TEST AND ALL THE FOLLOWUPS MY SELF NOW I WAS ONLY SUSPICIOU THAT HE KNEW BUT I NO BETTER FROM HIS FAM ONLY 2 DAYS AGO THAT THEY ALL KNEW OR SUSPECTED AND THAT IT WAS OKAY BECAUSE IF I COULDNT SEE IT BEING A NURSE THAT IT WAS ON ME!!! I FEEL BETRAYED BY EVERYONE NOW ITS OUT AND OF COURSE NO ONE BELIEVES THAT IM NOT INFECTED BUT ALL THE FOCUS IS ON HIM AND POOR HIM WELL WHAT ABOUT POOR ME I AM A STRONG PERSON AND NOT SELFISH BECAUSE I PRETENDED TO BE OKAY WIT THIS SO HIS HEALTH WOULD IMPROVE AND IT DID, AND THE OTHER DAY HE SAID SINCE FINALLY HE OFFICIALLY TOLD EVERYONE AND FELL OUT IN CHURCH HIS MIND IS AT PEACE HOW DO I GET THAT SAME PEACE WIT THIS HATE IN MY HEART? FOR HIM AND HIS FAMILY WHO CARED NOTHIN ABOUT MY LIFE? WHAT THE HECK ABOUT ME!!!!!!! AND MY FAMILY

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* what THE HECK about me!!!!!! CHIKITA 02/03/10 07:27 AM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! light001   02/14/10 02:48 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! CHIKITA   02/11/10 11:06 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! Kristastar   07/15/11 05:42 AM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! Jackie__Blue   02/12/10 06:02 AM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! abitsad   02/06/10 12:08 AM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! CHIKITA   02/08/10 09:15 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! FLOWERMAN   02/05/10 12:03 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! CHIKITA   02/08/10 09:05 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! Rochelle   02/08/10 09:32 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! CHIKITA   02/11/10 07:51 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! Jackie__Blue   02/11/10 08:36 PM
. * Re: what THE HECK about me!!!!!! CHIKITA   02/11/10 11:13 PM

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