05/19/06 04:20 PM
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If you would like to add your personal story of living with HIV or AIDS, then please e-mail us with what you would like to say and the country where you live. Further stories of people living with HIV can be found in our stories section.
Vie Living & Loving. . . Tess Bongi
Keshia Aimee HIV & healthcare Leanne
Alyce A mother Loke, continued Loke
HIV & depression Sharon Talina Amber
VieAt 27, black, living in South Africa, and HIV positive, this is no longer a shocking matter. It has become like getting a flu, only deadlier. I was diagnosed in 2005, and immidiately thereafter had pneumonia, and landed up in hospital and also diagoned with meningitis. I never thot I'd make it. But one thing that kept me going was the thought of leaving my 10 yr old little girl behind. I just cudnt bare that thought. So I fought, and I must say, the battle is being won.
I sterted the treatment in January, when my CD4 count was a shocking 5. How I survived, is only by the miracle of god, because death was knocking. I thank God for the strength that He has given me to fight my enemy. Without Him I couldnt have survived. Alot of people seem to underestimate the power of prayer, I say, God is the only way.
My boyfriend and i are still together, but after a long phase of you did it (pointing fingers). We are slowly healing together, but what worries me about him is that he still drinks heavily. In a way he's in denial. I want to help him, but he's not opening up. He doesnt even want to talk about the subject. WE havent seen each other since I've been sick, 3 months now, but we talk on a regular basis. We are getting closer, but i mostly want to get him closer to God, because thats how I found peace within myself.
I'm writting a book, look out for it. The title will be "The Statistic". It covers my whole life, experiences, childhood abuse etc and basically how I got to the point I'm at now. I hope I get to finish it, but it is in the final stages, all I need to do now, is to find a publisher, I already have an editor. They're bloody expensive.
I hope to read more stories, that will inspire me..
I read your story, and belive me I can Identify with what you are going through. My boyfriend also refuses to speak of the subject. I have lost all interest in sex, and in him on an intimate level. I'm glad that we are 100's of km apart. Since I've been diagnosed I havent seen hi.
All you need to focus on now is your well-being and the well-being of your child. The men, I dont know if it happens in all other countries, in South Africa are in denial. They think they are immune to HIV. Dont worry yourself about him, dont nagg him about it. He will come to you in his own time, even if he's in his death bed. The only thing you need to do is to pray for him, and pray hard. Pray to God for guidance on how to handle the
sitation, because I find thats the only way through this whole dilemna. I also pray to God that I at least see my child turn 21, and is able to take care of herself. I pray so hard.
Dont let stress get to you. It will affect your health and you dnt need that.
I strongly suggest you buy the book, Power of a praying woman, and power of a praying wife, by Stormie Omartian. You are most likely to find it in Christian bookstores. It did wonders for me. My siter, the power of God is wonderful, dont ever doubt that. He has a purpose for you, and He will let you live as long as you obey His Word. Be strong in Him and you will see results. Pray like you have never prayed before.
Durban, South Africa
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Living & Loving. . . I was diagnosed on 1998, I had a thought that I might be sick when I would get so tired going up my stairs, but I did not let that thought stay in my head for long. I am a single mother of 4 children who just wanted to "Not be alone, wanted someone to help me in this walk through this thing called life" Anyway in November of 1998 my oldest child became scared when he saw me sick in bed for more then ten days and not getting any better, (remember I had that THOUGHT that I tried to push out of my head, and since I had 100,000 life insurance at the time, who cared)
So he got me to the doctors where they told me I had TB, but my blood level was dropping dramatically and they did not know why. So I was admitted and they asked would I take a HIV test, by now my temp was 103 and I could barely keep my head up, I did not care I just did not want my son to have that look in his eyes anymore tonight. I stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks, during my stay a young female doctor came into my room and asked did I want anyone with me when I got my results back, for the HIV test. I only have one sister (she is younger by 5 years) and she & I were not speaking because I thought she was the one in a bad relationship, (that was a joke) and I did not understand how she could love the man who would blacken her eye, the man who got her into lap dancing. See, cause the men in my past had not blacken my eye, they just never stayed around and one of them just gave me a long death sentence. So I asked the DR to get my sister and she came and I cried on her like she was my mother. Anyway I was seeing someone, who I really cared for so when I got out of the hospital I told him what the doctor said and he did not believe me. I was not worried about him getting it from me because we always had protected sex, but he wanted oral sex, and you know "ain't no get down without the get down." Anyway, He said that I wanted to break up with him so I made up this story, do you have any idea how true I wanted that to be. I have seen him once since then and I want him back so much but who would want me once they know. But see that showed me what happens when you tell, they run away. And your girlfriends who lay with there man every night say ď let GOD be your man, he will hold you so closeĒ.
Which brings me to the reason for writings to this site. What happens now; Okay you know your status, and you start to realize that you are not dead and you are not going to die in the next 2 weeks. So you get your self back into shape, your hair grows back and you are looking and feeling good again. So you start to see the world again, but this life is lonely.
Don't misunderstand me, I have given my life to God, because when I should have been dead so many times, I am still here and not because of my well. I know that MY GOD has a reason for keeping me going. No, I do not hate the man I contacted this from, because I knew about AIDS & HIV, I am still anger with myself because I did nothing to prevent it, what I am doing is still learning to love myself. Learning to love the part that I want to hide. Because there is more to me then a number, the number of African American women living in DC with AIDS. I had to see there is more to me then AIDS. That is a very big part of me, but for my mental health it can not be all of me.
And maybe when I get to that point, God will find me ready for my husband, cause this ride is lonely with out some one to hold on to. Thank you for your time, I think this site helps just because you can say what no one else can understand. But I have a question; Living & Loving when you have AIDS, any suggestions?
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TessHi, My name is Tess, a mother of a three young children, and this is my story.
I was only 14 when I got married to an American man he was 38 years of age. Because of our situation I was forced to get married at a very young age. Little that I know he was a womanizer and a drug addict. It was a very bad experience for me but I loved him despite of everything. Anyway after a couple years of our marriage I finely have the courage to leave him. We had two kids already when I decided he wasnít going to change. After a couple years after I left him I have found out that he was very ill never thought he was infected. After he died his brother told me he had aids since we meet and I was just shock to find out because I was pregnant again with my new boyfriend. I thought that it was the end of the world for me when I found out. I didnít know what to do. Not, only I was scared for myself I was going to have a baby again. I got so scared I never went for a test coz I was to embarrassed to let other people know about it. But, last May of this year I had a really bad pneumonia and thatís when I have the courage to find out what was going on with my body. I was on denial becoz I was ashamed. And my T-cell was down to 26 I got so scared becoz the doctor told me I was going to die. I wasnít afraid of dying I was more afraid of leaving my three children. Iím still on medication right now. I have very little money to buy medicine but I have very strong will to live for the sake of my kids. I am not good in writing nor in English I just wish that people would be more considerate with other and think about what they feel. I am so sad be coz I have kids with no father and my family didnít want to do anything with me. I only get my strength from god... I still feel lucky to live other day.
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My name is Bongi from South Africa. I tested HIV positive in June 2005. I felt I had to go for the test when my husband began losing wait and looking terribly ill. I knew he would not agree to an HIV test so I decided to be brave and go first. I knew my results would probably indicate his because I only slept with him and was negative before I met and married him. He had been having a series of extramarital affairs some of which I discovered and others I only suspected. We have been together for 8 years and married for 4 years now but I can count the times when we had sex. Only when I got tested did I realize why he had 'lost' interest in sex like he would claim. I used to be sad and worried when he would not let me be intimate with him. He would even literally push me to the side and tell me he was too tired. It was worse when I conceived my baby(who is negative - thank God!). He would stay in the living room watching movies and only join me in bed in the early hours of the morning until the baby was delivered. And, come to think of it, he was angry when I told him I was pregnant. He said he did not want us to have a baby yet...(maybe he did not want baby to have HIV)
Coming to why I decided to write this message, I am extremely depressed by my husband's reaction after he heard about my status. He went for the test on the same day and also tested positive. Luckily I took a test 2 months after we had met (8 years ago) for insurance purposes and it was negative. And, we both know that I have never slept with anybody else since then. Anyway, what hurts me more is the fact that he does not want to talk about HIV at all. He refuses to answer me when I try to ask him about his feelings. He keeps saying that he is not ready to talk yet and that's his way of ending discussion. And, he has not even apologized for putting me through this. I want to disclose my status and help other people and he does not want to. Maybe he does not want his sexual partners to realize that he has infected them as well. Or maybe he is still spreading the virus. I feel that he has not just infected me but continues to control my life. Whenever he falls sick I silently pray that he should die so that I could be able to live the life I want. I hate nursing and caring for him whenever he becomes sick. I feel that our lives would be better if he at least apologized for what he has put me through.
I pray everyday for God to give me at least 20 more years so I could see my baby grow up. But what can we say, only God knows all our destinies. And He would not take us thus far to leave us.
So, to all you HIV+ brothers and sisters just take it one day at a time and remember, everybody will die someday, no matter who they are and no matter what crimes they have committed or how innocent they were...
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KeshiaHello my name is Keshia Iím a 27-year-old single parent of three living with HIV. On the outside I look happy but on the inside Iím filled with sadness. I ask myself all the time how could something like this happen to me. Iím a very nice person and help others all the time I have a good soul. So how and why has this illness be placed upon me. Knowing one day I'll be leaving my children who I love more then anything behind in this awful world to take care of themselves one day. But and do nothing but be grateful of the days I do have with them and thank the lord for giving me another day.
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My name is Aimee and I discovered I had AIDS on my 26th brithday this year.
I had a strange bruise-like spot on my left breast that continued to get bigger and bigger. Soon, it covered my entire breast. I went to 7 different doctors and no one kew what it was. I was admitted to hospitals, specialists took pictures and yet, it was a mystery. I went to a general surgeon on December 28, 2004 and had a biopsy done. He told me I would be OK. I had to get my stitches out on Thursday, Jan. 6, 2005---my 26th birthday. He told my mom and I that it was something callled Kaposi's Sarcoma. Found only in end-stage AIDS patients. As you can imagine, my head was spinning. I had had an HIV test and a Hepatitis test in December and had not received word of the results. Thinking no news was good news, I assumed it was negative. It wasn't. The doctor just never contacted me to tell me the results.
I remember thinking that it was a nightmare and I would soon wake up. My family sat around and mourned for me. We all thought I was dead. I remember my dad crying out "My precious baby girl!" That was the first night I ever saw my dad get drunk. We just couldn't cope with the news. My family cried like wounded animals, and I was in a state of shock. I put the pieces togther and now understood why I had been so very ill the last year. I had been hospitalized, I had shingles 3x and my hair was falling out. I had rashes on my skin that itched sooo bad. I would lay in bed for months at a time, having no energy. It would take everything I had just to get a shower and put make-up on. Doctors told me it was stress. I knew it was something serious, but never imagined AIDS.
I went to an incredible Infectious Disease doctor who gave me my first ray of hope. He said it was no longer a death sentence, instead, a chronic disease and with a healthy liefstyle and medication, I could very easily live to be an old woman. WHAT? I was so excited. I had blood work done and my T-cell count was 15. My viral load was 750,000. I was almost dead. I weighed 95 lbs in contrast with my usual 130lbs. I started on the medications Sustiva and Truvada along with Bactrim and Zithromax. I've been on the meds now a month and a half and my T-call count is climbing! It was 160 last week and my viral load was 2,100. My doctor belivees my viral load will soon be undetectable and my T-cell count over 200 in the next few months.
I have my life back. I've enrolled in grad school, run with my two dogs, work, work out at the gym, and enjoy life again. I'm even dating. If I can be brought back from near death......emotionally, spiritually and physically, then so can you! My outlook on life is this: Love as you've never loved before, dance as though nobody's watching, be truthful regardless of the cost and trust in yourself as well and the Lord. I am lucky enough to have a supportive family, friends and a love of the Lord that gets me through this. I am not angry.... saddened, yes, but not angry. I have forgiven those that I feel have done me wrong as I know the Lord will forgive me of my sins. I look forward to keeping in touch with all of you so when I dance at my childrens' weddings, I will know I HAVE LIVED LIFE!
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HIV & healthcare
I am a 54 year old disabled mother to twin boys who are still in high school. I was diagnosed with HIV a year ago and have been discriminated against twice. I applied for a job, got the job and was fired because I might infect others. Then I started vomiting and bleeding from my stomach. My family doctor referred me to a gastroenterologist. My doctor scheduled an appointment and I waited a month for my exam. They called me the day before the exam to confirm, which I did. The next day I wasn't feeling well, and callled to reschedule, which was fine. The woman I spoke to then insisted that I go in that day so the doctor could diagnose what was ailing me. I told her I had to travel by bus (I lost my car with my job), and that I was HIV+. She told me to hold and when she came back she said "I'm sorry but we can't help you because we don't have the equipment for people like you." God, I was crushed. There are no words to describe my feelings. I didn't know that discrimination was so rampant. I am the sole caregiver of my twins and I need my health. My infectious disease doctor referred me to another scpeialist and I had an endoscpoy, colonoscopy, ultrasound and finally a two hour long nuclear HIDA scan. I was diagnosed with gallstones and am now on medication. The first doctor was so unethical and unhumanitarian I would never refer anyone else to him.
Thank you for listening
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Hi, my name is Leanne and I am a 26 year old coloured female from South Africa with two kids and this is my story. On New Year's Eve my fiance was shot at home in our backyard. We rushed to hospital and they said he would be fine. He was there for three days and then took a bad turn and slipped into a coma. The doctors wanted to know what illness he suffered from. I was under the impression that he had leakaemia. I told the doctors and they called his doctor who informed them that he had AIDS. The doctors told me and I was angry and confused.
Even though he was in a coma I shouted at him. I went home and cried. I thought nothing in our relationship was true and it was all a lie.
The next day I went for an HIV test and the result was negative. I couldn't deal with losing him and 1 month down the line I found out I was pregnant. I had never used drugs before but managed to get hold of 30 ecstasy pills and tried to kill myself. I was in a critical condition and the doctors thought I wouldn't make it, but I defeated the odds.
While in hospital I was told to have an HIV test. I did and the result was positive.
It is three months since I lost one of the most important people in my life and since discovering I was HIV positive. My CD4 count is 585 and I can deal with being positive but I can't deal with him not being there. I feel like I let him down because he couldn't come to me and tell me that he had HIV.
At this stage I can't seem to let go of him. I am scared because when he was ill and I thought he had leukaemia, I saw what pain he was in. I have been reading books about the pain people with AIDS go through and I am not sure if I can deal with that.
I was a very strong believer but now I can't seem to even hear God's name mentioned. Reading all the other stories I just hope I can reach that stage.
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AlyceI am 20 years old, and I was diagnosed with h.i.v about 6 months ago. I was in hospital for about a month and they didn't know what was wrong with me. They didn't test for h.i.v as it is very uncommon for females here in New Zealand. when I got better and was out of hospital my partner went to his doctor and he gave him a h.i.v test. his teat came back abnormal so I got a test done as well. my mum and partner came with me when I got my results, and they came back.... my doctor told me that the test was positive and my partners test came back positive too. my partner and I are still together. we are so close and have helped each other through the hard times. when I'm down he pulls me up and when he's down I do the same. We are planning to have a child in a few years after we have finished our university studies.
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A motherI have never spoke about my HIV but it has been hard.
I was living a normal life with two children, I married at 18 years old. Before that at 16 I lost my virginity, I only slept with him once as he got what he wanted. I never seen him after that, I knew him well as we were good friends. Our friendship went over the lines one night, after that we lost contact.
So I married and had two kids then I was pregnant again in 1996. I had my baby, I was in labor for half an hour. He was the best baby out of them, he just eat and slept. Until he was three months old he had a cold, I took him to the doctors just to make sure he was ok. Then I went back three times and was told I was overprotective. But I knew there was something wrong so I insisted he goes into hospital. There he was on a ward. He had RSV. After the third day he collapsed and went up to high dependency. They could not find what was wrong, they asked questions and gave him tests. Everything was normal. He was on a ventilator for six weeks to do tests, and then gave him a lung biopsy, which came back PCP. I had never heard of it. They said it was cancer or HIV. I was so sure it was cancer and so did the doctors but at the same time they asked for tests for HIV. It was the biggest nightmare of my life. It was positive, I was HIV+ and my baby had AIDS.
My husband and my other kids were tested - they came back clear which was a relief but I was told my baby would die. He did come off the ventilator and I took him home with lots of medication waiting for him to die. To the doctor's amassment and no support he is now 8 years old. I still think what will happen to him in the future and will blame myself for what he has, we go to the hospital every three months for checkups and medication. At the moment I live for the day and think how blessed I am to have three loving kids. I still think of the past when I was sixteen when I slept with my friend who is now dead, and that I was never informed about him. I hope this will help someone how is in the same situation.
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Loke, continuedHi my name is Loke.
I?ve told most of my story, now is the gruesome middle, my husband stayed away from home for five nights, then returned and said ''I came to pickup my clothes and began packing'' After a few days the weather was changing, becoming colder so he telephoned to say 'I'll be coming out your way to get my coat so I hope you'll be home because it's getting cold' I said, no you'll come and get all of your clothes and do not come back, I?ll not have you going and coming after days away and broke. So he came got the remaining clothes and one of the cars that I had been paying on and left. This man received this SS check on the third and didn?t offer me one penny nor had he paid any money on the car that he had told me he was going to take the notes on So today it was repo'd today and he had the nerve to call me and asked if he could come and spend the night because it was cold outside. My response was no! no! So he replies I guess I'll have to sleep on the streets and frezzed my nuts off. I reminded him that he'd chosen to leave a clean, warm and good home for the streets and there would be no return unless God himself comes down and tells me otherwise. Ladies please don't be taken in by these guys no matter how sad the story line is all they do is bring you down and I know that God has better plans for us, By the way I was dumb enough to ask why did you leave in the first place, don?t you think you old me some kind of exclamation, He rudely stated I don't old you nothing I'm doing what I want to do. I was just tired of being married. It is hard enough to live with HIV knowing that any day you'll going to become ill and have to leave your love ones behind maybe sooner than anticipated (especially your grandchildren), but we certainly don't have to be stressed out by the man that claimed he loved you and leaves you with this demon. Well continue to pray for me as I'm praying for all of you.
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LokeHi. My name is not important, so here is my story.
I met a man at church and the first words he spoke to me was ďHI I'M GOING TO MARRY YOUĒ I didnít know this person so I thought he was some kinda nut, smile any way. We started to date a few weeks later and married six months later, our families was not pleased with the marriage since his mom was married to my step father. So we got married in another state and later we had a wedding at home with our families.
We were married less than a month when he got a call from the health department informing him that he was HIV+, what a shock that was to me, he told me that he had no idea that he was infected but that he was a reformed drug addict. However he was still using drugs without my knowledge since I worked nights, I'd come home and go to bed thinking that he was sleepy sometimes because he worked nights also.
Well any way I had not even thought of being tested until one afternoon he told me that his DR. said that I should be tested. OK I thought I know that I couldnít possibly be infected since I didn't use drugs and not gay (Stupid me). I got the test, and what you know I was positive also it really blew my mind, I couldnít think straight or anything, this must be a mistake, so I went to work and about three am it hit me. I remember answering the phone and the Dr. said I'm sorry but your tests are back and you 're positive, Iím going to give you the name of an infectious disease Dr. that you should see. I was sitting at my desk and I just started screaming no! No! No! No! Tears were streaming down my face.
I went home later and I remember saying how could you do this horrible thing to me don't you know I have a child to raise? I wanted to kill him, but I didn't. We broke up for a few months and after listening to my Dr and praying we got back together so that we could support each other since we didn't know of anyone living with this disease. Well it's been fourteen years now, he has developed congestive heart disease, end stage renal failure, emphysema and several other problems, he has lost a lot of weight and is on dialysis three times a week. As for myself I've had two minor strokes but I'm fine gained a few pounds, but Glory be to God I'm undetectable and doing well.
On the other hand he has began to drink, smoke cursing staying all night and literally stopped going to church. By the way I'm a minister and will never stop attending church and praising My God for he's been too good to me and he continues to bless me daily even though I don't deserve it. My husband left home last week and stayed out for two nights and came home and told me that he'd been drinking and thinking, and he had decided we should part because he wasn't doing me any good, wasting money couldnít work no sex in our life and he was really bring me down.
A few days later he left again after promising to pay some of the bills, he got his check and never showed up leaving me holding the bag. I was injured at work and still under the Dr. I have no income at all everything is going wrong I've been evicted from the apartment phones off etc. but he says I love you. Iím trying to hang in here and be supportive of him but it's hard. Since he's walked out on me he 's somewhere here in town, but I have not seen or heard from him since Monday morning, I gave him a car to make payments since he was driving it. I had paid eight thousand dollars on it and the balance was nineteen hundred dollars now it's over three thousand because he has not made any payments. It bothers me because it's in my name only and lately he drives too fast and falls asleep driving, I'm in a pickle and don't know how to deal with it since I've never been without a job or money to provide for myself. I really would like to hate him and move on but God will not allow me to do so. All I'm asking you to do is pray for me sometimes.
I love you all
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HIV & depressionGood evening,
I'm just curious why with such a wonderful website that you offer, that there is no support, information or advice for a persons well being and "mental" health living with HIV. There is so much information about "treatment" of the virus, but how bout treatment of the person's mind living with such a "dirty" disease inside of them, as so many people still view it as.
I've been living with HIV for 4 years now, and I thank the Lord every day that I am able to be "med" free and still healthy as a horse. Mentally however, I've been living in depression the entire 4 years and getting worse. Of course my recourse will be lots of therapy, but I'm just so shocked that there is not more articles or advice or anything, on the mental health of HIV infected people.
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SharonMy name is Sharon and I live in Virginia, Here is my story.
At the time I was a single parent raising 6 boys, 3 of whom were mine and 3 from different areas. I had a good job and had just bought a new house. In the mean time I had meet a guy that was in the church just as myself. We started dating and loved each others company. I am a person that talks about things before I get involved with anyone, so I will ask questions about yourself.
I knew I was HIV-NEG. because I had problems with low blood and I had transfusions before, so I had been tested several times. Well I let him know this and he in turn told me he was neg. as well. We had sex but we had safe sex because he had not showed me his results. We practiced safe for a year and a half. Then one day he asked me to marry him and I said yes. (worse decision of my life) We then had sex twice unprotected, then I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks. When I did he said we would get together that afternoon, that was the last I talked to him.
His sister told me he died of full blown Aids.
God Bless You
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TalinaI've written my personal story on this site so many times before. As with any life story, there is always something new to tell. Well, to start with my name is Talina and I live in the Bronx, NY. When I was first diagnosed with HIV I was still in high school. I was in my senior year of high school and I was donating blood in order to get extra tickets for graduation. I was 17 at the time. During this time I've had 4 sexual partners. The guy whom I suspect gave it to me was 30 years old, used drugs, had unprotected sex with women, and he loved to have group sex. It wasn't until I received a letter from the New York Blood Supply Center that my blood reacted to one of their tests. I knew what it was even though the paper didn't say it. I cried that night praying to God that it wasn't what I thought it was, praying for him to forgive my sins and let everything be ok. Within a few days I went to get my results. When I was told that I am HIV+ I didn't cry. The doctor was expecting me to cry so bad that she kept giving me tissue. I told her I already knew what to expect, I was just hoping that I would have to pay for this sin. My life change forever. I knew what I had, yet I became even more sexually active. During my freshman year of college I was having sex with 3 different guys. One of them I was having unprotected sex. I never told them about my status although 2 of them did find out. I lost a good friend due to my sexual behavior, and that is when I decided to change my sexual activity.
I'm no saint. I go see my doctor regularly. Thank God that I haven't been on any meds. since I've been diagnosed. I try to take care of myself. I still need to work on my sexual activity though. I still have multiple sexual partners. I try to use a condom, I'm not gonna lie, I did have sex with someone recently and did not use a condom. I'm now fighting with myself to tell him about my status. Also I recently had sex with my ex-boyfriend from high school. He knows about my status and he has been a supporting friend besides my lover. We recently had sex and we used a condom, but the condom broke. Now he is worried that he may have contracted it and is planning on getting tested soon. For some reason though, I feel confident that he doesn't have it and I'm praying that he doesn't.
After finding out that I am HIV+, I didn't tell my parents for 2 years. I was worried that they would be mad at me, and would probably disown me. Since telling them, they have been very supportive. My whole family have been supportive. My best friend have been supportive. I just have been blessed to have people in my life that have supported me though and though.
Now I'm 21 and in my last year of college. I'm planning on becoming an elementary school teacher. I'm also a youth advocate in a research organization that does studies for and with youths who are HIV+. I now try to help educate others about HIV and hope that my experience will help create change.
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I am a 30+ year old mother of two pregnant with a third child and I have just found out I am HIV+.
Now some might think that your own husband will never sentence you to die. My ex-husband had been abusing me since before we married. I found the strength to walk away with God's help. All I wanted was to make my family work because my child needs a father. There are too many broken homes and I just wanted to be different. I knew he was sleeping around with other women.
I was living my life with beatings and abuse. I bought a new home began living in peace. Like so many I got lonely but vowed never to be with anyone but my husband. We decided to try to make things work this time and I got pregnant. A couple of weeks ago I was told the news that I have tested positive for HIV. This man slept around and I did not love myself enough to protect myself. Love blinded me from reality and now I must pay the ultimate price.
I look at my children with so much regret that I did not love myself. I do not fear for my unborn child because God has this all worked out. Ladies, I decided to live and see them grow up so that they can see that a life is too precious to throw away. My ex is still up to no good sleeping around and really does not show any concern about my well-being. I now love myself enough to take care of myself I am going to live! I say this everyday because it is not up to anyone but God when it is your time to die. I have asked for forgiveness and I know I am forgiven. Ladies - live for your children, this love will never hurt you. Those who do not have families live for the right to someday have a family.
Luv you all!!!
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Last updated May 2, 2006
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05/19/06 04:20 PM
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