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HIV Life >> Women

Sarah
Unregistered

Is my life over?
      04/02/00 10:55 PM

I am a 30 year old female, mother of two, who is currently living in turmoil. I am desperately trying to find the courage to begin the process of confirming my HIV status. When the results come back, if they are positive, I am not fearful of the disease itself...as much as the fear of the pain I will cause many, many others...please understand I KNOW I AM POSITIVE, so I am talking a very real situation here, and please do not tell me I need to get tested before fearing the "what ifs" first. My problem is until I realized I may have been living with this disease for approximately six years..in this time I lived in a small town and had quite a few boyfriends, most unprotected sex (ouch), and I do not know how I would address this problem...I know I will never tell my HIV status to anyone at the moment...the fear of losing everything I have and everyone is too great too bear...I could literally bring down an entire community with this revelation. I can live with the disease but not knowing I may have infected boyfriends, husbands, brothers or sons of people I know and love...what are the percentages for HIV transmission for one sexual encounter? Maybe this could bring a little bit of peace into my life...although the way I feel right now...I do not deserve any...and am truly terrified...




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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Is my life over? Sarah 04/02/00 10:55 PM
. * Re: Is my life over? D.J.   04/02/00 10:57 PM
. * Re: Is my life over? Tacele   04/02/00 10:57 PM
. * I hope to live to be 80 Carol   04/02/00 10:56 PM
. * Re: Is my life over? Toto   04/02/00 10:55 PM

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