does it have to be another doc or could it be another medical pro with similar exposure?
you're defining them as panic attacks, are you being treated for them as such? when i first found out, my stress was insane. not so much the virus, as the unknowns of dealing with insurance that had just changed.
the "they know when they look at me" thing is alot like when you lose your virginity.... no...no one can tell...it's in your head. your POV has shifted, nothing else has changed.
i knew not crying would be a time bomb. i have some songs that i listen to that cue me off.....or i can think about my dead cat that i still miss.
you're going to be fine.
i totally get the not wanting pity. you just need an ear to work through how you re-adjust your bearings and you will be fine. i had someone assume i was poz from something i said, and met with "oh, i'm sooo sorry...blah blah" like suddenly i'd become this write-off person. when in fact, he's more likely to die of obesity than i am of hiv if take care of myself. but i didn't want that 2nd class write off status... or any disclosure with this guy, so i told him something that mislead him and he stopped assuming it was a virus issue. (note: this is a friend, not a date)
people are often uninformed. it's often too taxing to have the task of educating people while seeking care