When do the panic attacks go away? Everyone I walk past in the hallways at work, I say to myself...."Why can't I trade places with him?" When will it not be the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning? When will I stop thinking that everyone who looks at me automatically knows my status? I've not been able to cry about this yet, even....the tears won't come out....afraid if they do, they won't stop. When will all of the initial symptoms of acute infection go away? It's been 5 weeks now and still struggle to have the energy to make it through a day. I worry about contracting something from every patient I see now because my immune system is weakened. I want to be in the symptom-free phase and on my medication. I want to get back to being my old self again...the guy with the sarcastic sense of humor who was always laughing and cracking jokes. I want ME back.....really struggling with all of this the last couple of days. Really wish I knew another HIV positive doc that I could talk to, as well. Feeling like I'm the only one. Glad I have people on here to listen to me ramble on about my feelings. My one friend who knows keeps telling me to find a counselor, but I don't want to find someone who will look down at me with pity. I'm not even sure what a therapist could do for me. But, anyway, thanks for listening. Would love to hear from some more friends on here....