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On the 25th July, I tested positive
07/28/11 08:49 AM
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Im a 27yr old female, on the 23rd July I went for a screening, although I havent done a test last year. Monday my doc gave me the bad news. I sat stunned, paralysed, my face turned red and my eyes watery.
I got the news at work, I couldnt stop crying, I still cant stop. In hindsight, the sings were there. Im constantly getting sick, normal throat infection, coughing every month I got sick. I guess thats the reason I went for a test (papsmear too) because I asked myself, "Why isnt my body fighting off tflu?"
I only told my boyfriend of 1yr and 6 months, because I was afraid he might overcome the same fate. He is very supportive, but for how long? I only went for one test, on Saturday Im going for a PCR Qualitative test and a viral load, think this will positively prove my status. My doc is as as shocked as I am.
I dont know what to do? Im so scared, I cant tel anyone, because they will look down on me. I got a huge knot on my shoulder, I had to call my medical aid to make sure my tests are covered, then they told me they have an HIV Programme and I got to fill in forms. Everything is just too much too handle, Im not sure if I can survive this, just talking about it gives me a knot in my throat.
Please, Im begging anyone talk to me. Im feeling all alone, angry and dissappionted in myself. No matter what road I take, I end up at the same destination. Misery
I was always depressed and suicidal, then why now am I scared to die?? Is it the shame?
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