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Lost
12/30/10 12:01 AM
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I tested positive 3 days before Christmas and I think I am still numb to the fact. I haven't told any friends or family because I really don't know how and most are judgemental and I'm sure will walk away. But I guess if they do, then I didn't need them anyway huh? The ones I'm most concerned with are my children, we are very very close. I do believe they would jump to conclusions that I'm dying real soon and will be very angry at me. In the past, my daughter has a panic of something happening to me, such as a car crash, heart attack, even murder but I'm sure all our minds were far off from HIV. She said if she ever lost me, she would join me. That scares me the most. And she now has a 4 mo. old baby she needs to focus on. My son would just be angry. So I feel really alone at this time. And having found out so close to Christmas, my first thought was, will this be my last? There were many tears behind closed doors and I'm sure many more to come. I do have an appt. in 2 wks (2 wks before my birthday) at an HIV clinic to explain, talk, help, tell me where to go from here and check all my levels. I'm honestly scared. I'm glad I was informed of this site as I'm sure I will visit frequently. I just had to tell someone....
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