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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Reged: 02/16/10
Posts: 1
Loc: Kansas
Just Diagnosed With a CD4 Count of 5
      02/16/10 11:00 PM

In October '09, I became sick. I was stubborn and didn't start seeing a doctor until December. The doctor at the Student Health Center tried treating the multiple infections he found. I was also severely anemic. Since I am a veteran, he recommended that I seek out care at the VA hospital because all he could do was prescribe antibiotics. He brought up HIV, and even offered a test the last time I saw him in early January. I told him the VA would run the tests anyway.

Mid-January I had my appointment at the VA. A week later they called me in to admit me to ICU. On January 25th, 2009 I was diagnosed as HIV positive and classified an AIDS patient. They told me my CD4 count was 5.

I was floored. It felt like my mind was trying to escape from my body to run away from this. Even worse, I had no idea how my wife would react. When I asked the doctor to step out so I could tell her, I just said, "You need to get tested." She withdrew a little, tensed up, teared up. And I lost it. I begged her to forgive me for killing us both and for bringing this into our lives (I am ashamed to admit it, but I step out on her several times in 2007. She found out but we got through it). I begged her not to leave me. And she said she wouldnít. She stayed strong for me.

The next morning, she went to a clinic up the street and took the rapid test. By some miracle, she tested negative. That enabled us to breath a little bit (my wife finally lost it that following Sunday and cried for an hour). Her parents came down to see us and were extremely supportive (even after she told them I cheated on her). Next, we told some close friends - they were shocked, but still loved the both of us. And then finally, I told my parents. Telling your parents over the phone since they are half a country away is hard. My parents though, they still love me, no matter what.

Now, almost a month after, I am still anxious. I tend to let my mind do itís own thing, and itís interfering with my studies, so I may have to drop this semester (the job market here is in the toilet, so I canít really quit my job). Iím especially anxious, because the one thing I found out is that it takes five to ten years for HIV to manifest AIDS. Which means I could have been infected in high school (Iím 26). If thatís so, OMG all the people I may have infected and even worse, the Army somehow didnít catch it. They test you when you in-process during enlistment and when out-process when you leave (which for me was 2005). Both of those tests were negative.

However, I am fortunate. My wife, my parents, her family, our friends - they all have been extremely supportive. I donít know how Iíd handle this if they werenít in my life. Itís hard now, but I know with them behind me, I can take this thing head on and live. After all, Iíll be damned if my mother puts me in the ground first.

If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice!

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* Just Diagnosed With a CD4 Count of 5 thespoonybard 02/16/10 11:00 PM
. * Re: Just Diagnosed With a CD4 Count of 5 iam1   02/19/10 01:31 AM

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