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TDE1966
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Newbie
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Reged: 11/18/09
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Posts: 1
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Now that I am positive
11/18/09 11:09 PM
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I discovered I was HIV + for definite on Mon 9th November, 2009, just a couple of weeks before my 43rd birthday.
I had been avoiding this thing for 27 years; not only frightened of it but terrified of it. In my naivety I believed that I may be immune to it, because I had been tested so many times and was always negative. The last test was in August 2009.
Now that I am HIV + I am no longer frightened of this thing. In fact, I welcome it into my life. Sounds bizarre, doesn't it? Why would anyone welcome this into their life? But I no longer have the fear of it, the anxiety. I have a reason, another reason to get the very most out of my life: physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually. I have another reason, as if I needed one, NOT to take drugs, I have a reason to organize my life and to fight for it.
I don't really know what the future has in store; I only know that I will be part of it, convinced, at last, that it holds a place for me. I know that I will fight for every day, every hour, every minute and that I will be ever grateful for the self-knowledge and understanding that being an addict in recovery and an HIV + man brings.
I am looking forward to the future, I am grateful for the blessings of the past but more than all of this I am finally happy in the now. I am going to fight this thing and I am going to beat it, I am going to use its energy for my own strength and I am going to learn from this and go forward; progress.
This is not the future, this is not the past; this is now and I am in it. It is a wonderful thing.
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