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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

treading_water
New User

Reged: 03/31/09
Posts: 7
ups and downs
      03/31/09 09:56 PM

I tested positive a few months ago during a health check for a work visa. My visa was denied and I was left with no job, a plane ticket home, faced with a lot of concerns, and a lot of questions from friends, family , and co-workers as to what happened. With that pressure I went immediately to the crutch of drugs I had previously abandoned from my life. I was left feeling isolated and unsure what to do next. After a few weeks or so I finally cleared my head and faced my situation. I realized and appreciated the fact that I did know my status for sure now. I was in a way glad to have found out since I am completely asypmtomatic still. If I had gone on without knowing my status I may have been finding out only when something went wrong with my health and I required medical attention. I Stopped wondering and wasting energy thinking about the when, how, and why it happened. The fact is I am already positive so better to spend my energy learning how to cope with it and continue with living my life fully as possible. My baseline numbers showed that had most likely been infected for some time already and I would need to start treatment on meds. Right away I began treatment and it has been nearly a month already. The thing about this disease that has scared me most is the fact that it has been attacking me for years already and I notice nothing unusual about my health. I live an active lifestyle and stay considerably strong and fit. Since starting my medication I thought that I would then possibly notice some health changes, side effects from the meds, or something, anything different. But I feel or notice nothing about my health that has changed. Actually in recent years I feel that I have become more fit even due to changes I made by choice in my lifestyle. So the issue of my physical health overall has not changed and is easy for me to deal with for now. But the real strain and difficult thing I am struggling with quite heavily from time to time are the social and psychological issues. Keeping this secret inside weighs so heavily on me not because I feel like I cannot handle the challenges I will face personally. But more troubling is the heavy stigma that is attached to this disease and how my circle of friends and family may treat or feel different about me. I am no different a person today than I was before I got my test results confirmed positive. I don't want that social part of my life to end or now be pittied or avoided by the people I interact with regulary. I guess I'm just saying that my accepting that the mistakes I made in the past has been easy to face myself. It is the feeling that I have let a lot of other people around me down. Hurting myself is my own problem but passing that pain on to others that love and care about me is unfortunate. I don't want to lose the one I love most in my life and now I am afraid I will. This is my first post so I just rambled what crossed my mind and got it off my mind. Thanks

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* ups and downs treading_water 03/31/09 09:56 PM
. * Re: ups and downs DJones   04/03/09 05:37 PM
. * Re: ups and downs Margaret   04/02/09 08:05 PM
. * Re: ups and downs TraceyS   04/02/09 07:30 PM
. * Re: ups and downs treading_water   04/15/09 05:13 PM
. * Re: ups and downs CaptainK   04/04/09 06:32 PM
. * Re: ups and downs treading_water   04/15/09 05:22 PM
. * Re: ups and downs Margaret   04/02/09 08:14 PM
. * Re: ups and downs bnagayguy   04/02/09 03:20 PM
. * Re: ups and downs treading_water   04/15/09 05:33 PM

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