I want to respond first to your shame issues. Over the past 20 years, I have worked closely with a few hundred HIV professionals including social workers, physicians, educators, researchers,and program administrators. All of these people have expertise in HIV prevention. I know that about half of them take the same sexual risks as their clients. Knowledge does not readily translate into behavioral change; knowledge is necessary but not sufficient. Human sexuality is very complex and our normal sexual needs sometimes override our rational desire to protect our health. No matter how many degrees you have or what you do professionally, when you are engaging in sex, you are simply human.
Which brings me to my next point. I understand and respect your desire to be with people who share similar cultural values, but I urge you to be open to and learn from people who do not come from the professional subculture. If you are willing to take off your professional hat and be open to the gifts of people different from yourself, you may discover that HIV wisdom and compassionate support is available from poor, uneducated, and unemployed people. They may not be as eloquent, and they are unlikely to articulate theoretical frameworks for their ideas, but they sure know how to cut through the BS and rationalizations that too often prevent us professionals from "keeping it real."
Hope some of this has been helpful to you.