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aloneindc
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Newbie
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Reged: 10/14/07
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Posts: 3
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Loc: Washington DC
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Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated
10/14/07 04:28 PM
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I am in my early 20s. I?ve never had unprotected sex and am hardly out of the closet ? I?ve only had sex twice in the past year. I have always been so cautious about transmitting anything, but about a month ago I was diagnosed HIV positive. I?m going crazy trying to figure out how this happened and am constantly feeling depressed, defeated, and anxious. I?ve dreamt and prepared my whole life for a career that I can no longer pursue. I?m lonely and ashamed.
Worst of all, though, I?m afraid of dying alone and being unhappy until that day. I have a family who loves me very much, but they can never know about this? and my friends, well - I have begun to push them away.
I know I can live with this for a long time, - but I?m more afraid of life than death. And honestly, I don?t have the courage to off myself ? I love my family too much to put them through anything like that. I would rather suffer quietly and just wait it out. I cry randomly throughout the day, and on weekends hardly get out of bed.
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