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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

aloneindc
Newbie

Reged: 10/14/07
Posts: 3
Loc: Washington DC
Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated
      10/14/07 04:28 PM

I am in my early 20s. Iíve never had unprotected sex and am hardly out of the closet Ė Iíve only had sex twice in the past year. I have always been so cautious about transmitting anything, but about a month ago I was diagnosed HIV positive. Iím going crazy trying to figure out how this happened and am constantly feeling depressed, defeated, and anxious. Iíve dreamt and prepared my whole life for a career that I can no longer pursue. Iím lonely and ashamed.

Worst of all, though, Iím afraid of dying alone and being unhappy until that day. I have a family who loves me very much, but they can never know about thisÖ and my friends, well - I have begun to push them away.

I know I can live with this for a long time, - but Iím more afraid of life than death. And honestly, I donít have the courage to off myself Ė I love my family too much to put them through anything like that. I would rather suffer quietly and just wait it out. I cry randomly throughout the day, and on weekends hardly get out of bed.



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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated aloneindc 10/14/07 04:28 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated txboyaucoeur   10/22/07 11:35 PM
. * Re: can't stop crying debfree   10/22/07 11:42 AM
. * Re: can't stop crying oldwoman   10/22/07 01:13 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated OldiewithAIDS   10/21/07 12:47 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated SAlady   10/19/07 03:14 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated sportsfaninsf   10/18/07 06:36 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated linkon123   10/18/07 11:23 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated gray   10/18/07 11:36 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated allura74   10/17/07 10:18 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Scooter   10/17/07 04:14 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated oldwoman   10/17/07 08:23 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated mountainman   10/16/07 09:46 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Survivor   10/16/07 07:01 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated impoz   10/16/07 06:12 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Leonardo   10/15/07 06:49 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated hopefulindy   02/19/08 10:31 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Florida69   10/15/07 09:31 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated gray   10/14/07 10:23 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Jackie__Blue   10/14/07 04:52 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Survivor   10/14/07 04:34 PM

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