I have lived through disasters.
I lived in NYC during 9-11, saw the towers fall....
I have weathered tornados and hurricanes, seeing homes trashed by the storms furry.
I have lived through a major earthquake when many others did not survive.
I watched the tsunami on television and Katrina ruin thousands of lives, devestating the southern states.
I now am in the midst of my own disaster, unable to communicate my needs or understand really what is happening to me and how to proceed forward.
I am young, good looking, funny, smart, successful. This seems so unreal. I am in a fog. This isn't supposed to be my life, my destiny.
I am ashamed, have hate for myself and am disgusted at the image in the mirror.
I don't know what's next, I am scared, disorriented and in a state of denial. I am going through the motions... writting this, but not feeling much.... I am detached at the moment, praying that things will come into focus.
It's been three days since the doctor told me I was positive... it seems like nothing good can come from this. I have always tried to find the silver linning in everything, but now that I am positive, I have little hope.
I know I am not the first person to go through this, and unfortunatey, not the last...
I want a cure for you, for me, for the people that follow. ..
I need to find hope, something to hold on to.
Thanks for listening...
At the end of the day, we are measured by our actions, not our intentions.