45 minutes after i was diagnosed (almost 2 years ago...wow!) i was sitting in front of a counselor hysterical with my bestfriend beside me. i just couldn't believe this was happening to me. i was convinced i was going to die right then and there. just the thought of it, the enormity of the situation had me panicking. as she let me curse & vent & cry & yell... i got quiet. i looked at her & asked what she had to say. she looked me dead in the eye & said, "you're not going to die, at least not today.." i was scared & confused & had no idea what to do, where to go, what was happening. i came here, posted & found the most helpful, supportive group of people i could have ever imagined. i stayed around for awhile. i felt safe here. i was stuck at home for 6 weeks until i was well enough to go back to work. this was my link to a comminality. here it is 2 years later, and baby... i'm a ROCKSTAR!! i picked myself up, dusted myself off & started to live my life. i take my meds (which i had to start immediately) got all my vaccinations (which i'm almost done with my hep vaccs) go to my ID like i'm supposed to, eat better than i ever have & feel pretty freakin good. i've even caught a cold or 2 and toughed it out. i wanna tell you it's not the end of the world, but.... until you can get comfortable with it, accept it & realize that this is the beginning of a new way to live, none of anything will make sense. nothing will make you feel better. just always always know, you're NOT alone. it took me almost a year to stop obsessing & just get on with life. sure, i have my moments, never seems "fair", but i just hold fast to my faith, trust myself, listen to my doctors, and love the people who have stuck by me. it's a tough road, but it's only as tough as you let it be. educate yourself, ask questions & relax. living with HIV (i prefer to call it cooties) is scary, but we all have some sort of cross to bear. cancer, lupus, dibetes... some sort of handicap. i guess in the grand scheme of things, it could be worse. it's not always a walk in the park, but at least it's a walk somewhere.