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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

Anonymous
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IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE
      11/15/06 07:02 AM

WELL .,HERE i AM AT 52....having survived the first and second waves of HIV as a gay man in NYC in 1975-1983..and find myself now...in 2006 facing this disease ...like you all are.. I am a hep c survivor...took that treatment and tolerated it well...and most say the HIV drugs arent as toxic....also am a big bear with excellent controlled diabetes....but feel as if DISEASE has knocked me down emotionally so many times now...that Im simply reeling...having dual reactions: classic hysteric freak out as if it were 1985 in Chelsea in NYC...2006 more sane, calmer reaction having knowledge of new classification of this illness as 'manageable" but still...a sad, sad mess of a successful man.....I am just so sad....feeling like sex was a game of roulette and I lost....I am an oral insertive top only.....sucked a little bit..but mostly was a mutual masturbator and top oral inserter..and I lost my spin at the roulette wheel finally.....I want not to be a drama queen or neurotic, and deal with this all calmly...but its damn hard.....Still am testing negative..with viral load of 1000 as of 4 weeks ago.......new blood draws will tell me next monday where cd4 count and viral load is now.....and Im anticipatory to say the least..have many wonderful role models...but is there anyone else out there who survived all the first second and third waves in their 20's 30's and 40's only to succumb finally in their 50's......???? Please respond to thtis thread.....Im an intelligent man..successful and formerly thriving even after hep c nightmare...who now feels stupid and enfeebled....I know time will help...but I am simply in shock!

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous 11/15/06 07:02 AM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE jmiami   11/27/06 09:13 AM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/17/06 06:37 AM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/17/06 07:50 AM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/16/06 10:01 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/16/06 06:03 AM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/16/06 12:53 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/16/06 05:41 AM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/15/06 10:03 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/15/06 09:29 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/15/06 08:01 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE coby   11/15/06 02:14 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/15/06 02:27 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Fem   11/15/06 11:39 AM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/15/06 04:42 PM
. * Re: IN THE THROWS OF A RECENT DIAGNOSIS OF POSITIVE Anonymous   11/17/06 05:48 PM

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