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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

Steven
Unregistered

Crystal Meth and HIV
      04/19/01 05:50 PM

I have recently been diagnosed with HIV at age 31. I have never been a very promiscuous person. My first boyfriend and I were together just over ten years. Both of us had few sexual partners in our lives before we met, we were both negative and strictly monogomous. Toward the end of our relationship, and the very cause of it, crystal meth entered our lives.

My ex lost his mind on the stuff and the psychological/emotional toll on me was too much. We lost everything we had worked so many years together doing crystal. When we split, I was felt so lost and didn't care much about myself. While he went on to get treatment, I continued spiralling downward into an ever increasing use.

It had been so long since I was single that I didn't really know what to do with myself and, living in Los Angeles, it seemed that every gay man I met was HIV+. Needless to say, I did some regretful and stupid things while high which led to my being infected with not only HIV but Hepatitis C as well.

After being incarcerated for the first time in my life for possession of a controlled substance I decided I needed help and called my family. I have now been sober for 3 months and am in a rehabilitation program in a rural town in Oregon (where my family lives).

Coming to terms with what has happened to my life, I had myself tested for various STDs and recently learned about being infected. I'm still in a state of shock about the whole situation and am trying to come to terms with the situation.

Now that I am HIV+ it seems that there is no other gay male anywhere that also has HIV. Of course living in a small town in Oregon has a lot to do with that, I know.

I recently met someone whom I am attracted to and yet I'm affraid to further our relationship because I feel ashamed/concerned about my status. I have been so lonely lately that it has been difficult not to feel depressed and start using crystal again.

Meeting someone in this small town that is gay, I'm attracted to as well as he is to me, started to bring me out of my depression until our relationship became more serious intimately. Now I don't know what to do and I haven't seen him lately due to this fact.

I don't feel I can talk about any of this to my rehab group as they are entirely straight homophobic alcoholic males that would more than likely treat me differently if they found out I was gay let alone HIV+.

Is there anyone out there that can relate? Any words of advice? I have not had a problem with my sobriety until now and I'm affraid I will start using again. I know it isn't the right thing to do but it sure makes me feel better. I know that sounds crazy since ironically crystal is what caused me to be here in the first place. What can I say? I'm a drug addict. Wish I wasn't the only gay HIV+ male recovering crystal meth addict in town.

steve



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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Crystal Meth and HIV Steven 04/19/01 05:50 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Anonymous   02/18/05 08:13 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Anonymous   04/24/01 01:22 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Steven   04/25/01 12:50 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Anonymous   04/23/01 10:23 AM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Steven   04/25/01 12:59 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV AmyC   04/25/01 01:43 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Anonymous   10/12/01 09:15 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Steven   04/25/01 06:26 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Amy   04/26/01 09:11 AM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Steven   04/27/01 09:39 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Amy   04/30/01 09:47 AM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Anonymous   05/22/01 04:23 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Steven   06/15/01 05:28 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Amy   06/19/01 04:09 PM
. * Re: Crystal Meth and HIV Steven   06/24/01 02:51 PM
. * Re:Starting over with HIV infected910   11/23/01 04:58 PM
. * Re:Starting over with HIV Steven   01/11/02 07:27 PM

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