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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

Survivor
Legend

Reged: 10/30/05
Posts: 3256
Loc: Get off the fence and live again!
Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005
      10/30/05 09:36 PM

Hi everyone. My name is Eric, I live in Aspen Colorado and have been with my Husband now for 2.5 years. These years have been the happiest I have ever felt in my entire life. We have a beatufiul place on the river up here and its now snowing. About two months ago, I went for my annual checkup and was delt a blow that sent me reeling. My GP has his office on the side of Snowmass Ski area where I grew up and never would I have thought I would find myself in a doctors office being told I am HIV. Well after this, I told my Husband and he hugged me and said, "Eric, I am probably just the same as you. I love you and we will get through this together." Now William grew up in the big city and moved to Aspen to be with me. He knows alot more than I do. I reached out to Denver and talked with the Colorado Aids Project, I also talked with friends here in Aspen whom I have known have delt with this (condition) for many many years. I have found a very good doc in Denver who says "that it wont be HIV that gets you, but something else and you will probably outlive me?" Why do I have such troubles with faith. I use this word because I grew up around church and God and beleive that he is in total control of my life. But I take it back and forget who is running the show. I am so glad that I have reached being 41 and have had a good life. But now with William, I want to share my years with him and our newly adopted dog named Johnny. Why am I so fixated on health, death, treatment, costs. Sometimes I just dont want to go on. Even with all the plus's in my life, I focus on the wrong side of the page and feel utter dispair. This now has calmed down somewhat since it has been two months. Right now the doctor says no treatment but we will discuss this down the road. My CD4's are 460 and VL is 11000. I know my body is loosing the fight against this and will eventually have to deal with meds. I pray for a quality of life. I pray for people in my situation to live and be healthy and loved. This is so new to me. I just celebrated my 10th year of sobriety and have sponsored many people who wanted to drink. I am trying to apply the principles I have learned in this program to help me with this new gift the world has given me (or I have given myself). I want to live. But sometiems, I ask myself, is it worth it? Maybe a shrink would help. I was always a fighter and I want to return to being a fighter. I hope and pray for this to happen soon. God bless to all who read this message and and would love to here if you have felt this way... Feel free to email me to at ejhilst@rof.net

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Survivor 10/30/05 09:36 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 jenn   11/01/05 01:00 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Survivor   11/01/05 08:56 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Anonymous   11/01/05 09:28 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Survivor   11/01/05 11:07 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Anonymous   11/02/05 10:24 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Survivor   11/02/05 11:47 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Anonymous   11/05/05 08:27 AM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Survivor   11/05/05 04:16 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Anonymous   11/05/05 11:32 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 Survivor   11/06/05 01:13 PM
. * Re: Joined the Club 2 months ago Aug 2005 jenn   11/09/05 09:40 PM

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