Terrified to get tested! - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

I'm a twenties male and I just got engaged. I'm going to have to be tested for hiv sometime before I get married out of fairness to my fiancee. I'm terrified. I really really really really don't want to get tested. If I test positive...I can imagine dread that would reach into my soul. I think it's better not to know than to find out that I have it.

After graduation I went backpacking around S.E Asia and South America. Young and horney, I had sex with every willing female I could get my hands on. It was great fun and I was almost always safe.

There was this one time, though, I was not. I was in a nightclub in Equador and very drunk when I met her. We left the bar and staggerd back to my hotel. I had run out of condoms, and she had none. We did it anyway. She seemed angry that I was reluctant, claiming not to have hiv. How could she know that I didn't? How many other times had she had unprotected sex with others because 'she' didn't have it?

Unfortunately these were afterthoughts. In my drunken stupidness I went ahead and had sex with her.

In the morning I had a shower and noticed that I was covered in dried blood. Turned out she was on her period. My my my, wasn't I stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Now I am engaged to be married to a virgin and I am having nightmares about that night a million miles away in a dark room in Quito. It's been haunting me for over two years. While the relief of a negative blood test would be soooo fantastic, the fear of a positive one keeps me from the doctor's office.

Post Extras: Remind Me!