I am not here to get lambasted for my past actions, but to answer the guy's question directly. I've slept with about 5 women without protection since being diagnosed. I too relied on coitus interutus, based on statistical improbability of infection. The difference is, however, I provided full disclosure. And IF I had slept with anyone without disclosing, I wouldn't admit it here for fear of being caught (read between the lines on the last statement if you will). Yet, hypothetically, if I did sleep with someone before without disclosure I'd never do it again. No relationship or one-nighter is worth my own self-respect, let along her respect. In 3 cases, the sex was casual and of the one-time variety, although I knew the women - they weren't one night stand pick-ups. I told them the minute I knew there was the beginnings of an attraction and that there was a real possibility we might sleep together. To my utter shock, they're receptivity didn't waiver at all. If anything, they became more attracted for my early honesty.
As an aside, the reason I didn't use a condom is because it kills all sexual enjoyment for me and it completely desensitizes the experience, both physically and emotionally. More often than not it's so much so that I cannot maintain an erection.
2 of the scenarios were long-term relationships. I told the women when I felt we'd be together, but did not have intercourse until they were informed. In one case, the woman was a little freaked by it, but once she seemed comfortable, she actually asked ME to have unprotected sex for a brief period of time. Yet, later on, she accused me of playing with and risking her life. Go figure - the truth was I pulled out long before cum or pre-cum. So, yeah, being honest cam come to bit you in the ass.
In the other relationship, we had steady sex for 3 years without a condom, using coitus interruptus. BTW, I've never been on meds and VL varies from 3,000 to 19,000, so quite low. I'm also 50 and know my body extremely well. I never have taken it the point where I felt pre-cum could be present.
If you practicing the pull-out method with an undetectable VL, the chance of you infecting her is likely as close to nil as you can get without being nil. At least in my unexpert view based on what I've read.
That said, a few thoughts. I used the statistical probability argument to have unprotected sex BEFORE I was infected. A lot of good that did me. It can happen.
Second, I wouldn't dream of not telling a woman I was supposedly in love with. I've been there. Twice. I didn't approach the matter kicking my heels with boundless optimism, but I just felt I had to. Morality aside and focussing on self-interest alone, not telling is about as sure-fired a way to ruin a relationship as anything. Way more risky than telling. Women especially, value trust and honesty in relationships. Without judgement, I'd say you're proving yourself as anything but: the facts speak for themselves: you are being entirely dishonest and untrustworthy. If you want to be trusted, be trust worthy. Once it's known, how you change that with such a sensitive issue is beyond me.
Third, if she can't handle the truth than she's not the woman for you.
Finally, look what I said above about sleeping with women who I gave full disclosure to and how they felt about it. Weird thing is it was almost a plus.