I can't help myself.
I have met my dream woman. I am skipping the detail to get to the nitty gritty.
I have been UD since I went on meds, 10 years ago, and it has been a wild ride, dating. I am sure everyone has amazing stories. I could write a book.
Situation: Met a lovely girl from my past. She does not know my status. Please, I am not the ONLY one, not to say, "Hey darlin', guess what I have..."
We are having oral and vaginal sex. She travels in to see me. We just got together. She is moving to my city. We are both adults and well educated.
I work with my doctor and research medical clinic. This has all happened so
fast, that I have been on a roller coaster. I can't believe it is happening.
I fear disclosure.
I know it ethical and legal to do so...
If I use latex at our age, she will wonder why...(she is in the medical field)
The best I can do right now since my mind is mush AND I am in love
is not to cum inside of her.
I know, please... all the ramifications. (excuse the pun)
I am not going to freak out. I am lucky to have her and we are both in love.
The last thing I want is a lecture telling me to just "tell her."
I am one of the silent majority (and I am not the only one) that can't seem
to come up to the admission factor.
Since I dated many HIV women since I was diagnosed, as well as HIV Negative women, where I did explain the situation...I was surprised that many
women dated men, and DID not disclose, or they told me of scenarios where they DID NOT use condoms, made out like sex rabbits, and there was no cross-infection.
I realize how microbes and HIV can be transmitted. And I may say, it is easy for someone to pontificate when they ARE not in an EMOTIONAL situation like I am....
I have a good HIV specialist, at a major city clinic for HIV-and it WILL come up...but in the mean time, the relationship is on such "thin ice", as it is...to roll the Disclosure Bullet now seems totally impossible.
The reason I am writing this, is to see if there are others in the same situation as me, that care to share their feelings and experiences.
I know the science. We have committed ourselves. But let me say again,
this is very thin ice. I have had a few hundred relationships and have put myself in self imposed exile to NOT be with anyone. Then in almost the depths of madness, and a lonely future...I find the One I Can Stay Faithful To And Plan A Life with...but the passion which is a big part of it, is coming before the medical responsibility.
We have been together when she flies into see me (until she moves here) for a few trips of several days.
In the meantime, I am attempting to get help from my medical professionals, who have been my long term caregivers. I am healthy and overall in pretty good shape for an guy who can remember' Leave It To Beaver', on black & white, TV sets.
Thank you for being sensitive. She calls me a "babe magnet." If only she knew...this Romeo, wants a happy ending.
The safest thing- my mind can formulate in this stage, is to pull out, before I ejaculate.