SANSSOUCI - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

2 months ago I met a wonderful man and fell in love at first
sight. We spent a wonderful weekend and decided to meet again 2
weeks later. That second weekend was like being in heaven. We
spent 3 wonderful days and for the first time in five years I
ecperienced love again. After that weekend, knowing that I am
really in love with him, I decided to tell him, that I am HIV+.
His reaction was terrible. Till today he is not able to write (he
is not able to talk to me) one clear sentence. The only question
is:"Why did not you tell me earlier?" and :"I do not know, how to
go on!" My explanation for not telling earlier was: > Partly it
happened because of egoism. egoism that for me is the only chance
> to survive. Would you have talked to me, if I would have told
you earlier? > Now you will probably think "yes". But till now
everybody said "no". Why > should they have said "yes"? They did
not know me well enough to see > that I am more than just hiv+.
That in spite of all I am a full person, > longing for love and
security like anybody else. They reduced me to > the fact that I
am positive without noticing my human worth. Understandable? >
Yes! They did not yet know me. It can not always be love at first
sight! > And only if there is really love, they will find it
worth to risk a second > >look. Only then they start thinking if
being positive is really enough reason >to forget about the
person behind the infection and to deny it. Only when >there was
love,I had the chance that they did not deceive themselves with
>saying: " He is nothing worth. Why should I risk anything, for
sure he was a >whore, otherwise he would not be positive!"Saying
that they put me away and I >did not get one little chance to
show them what I am made of, to show them >that there is more!
The question after the person never arose. I could have >been
totally innocent, but there would be nobody, who asks me.Nobody
there who >asks me: "Why or when or where or how?". I would have
to live in total social >isolation.There are enough examples
where that happened and happens. Dear ben, >and then,that would
not be life for me. It would not be worth living in
>general.Exactly this social isolation is it, that makes this
"illness" so >cruel. You learn living with the POSSIBLE death,
but not with the cruelty of >your neighbours that you have to
experience when talking about that topic. LET ME KNOW YOUR POINT
OF VIEW, LET ME KNOW YOUR EXPERIENCES!! Thanks a lot in advance!!
SANSSOUCI

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