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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

Hopefulheart
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Reged: 12/26/13
Posts: 4
Re: My Husband has HIV and never told me, now what?
      12/26/13 05:27 PM

I see you posted your story on here back in may and forgive me I am new to this site but after reading your story I felt I needed to respond. My husband is HIV+. He was for many years before we met. He knew he was + and did not tell me until one day the condom broke and he begged me to go to the hospital for emergency prevenative treatment. At that point he still tried to keep it from me but he could no longer hide the fact. When I found out the truth I was devastated. How could he keep that from me. How could he lie to me. How could he risk my life if he cared at all for me. I was so hurt that all I could do was fall apart. He begged me to keep taking the medicine and he would tell me " even if you hate me for not telling you please let me be here for you through this until you know if you have contracted the disease". At first when i found out I could not think straight. The only thing I could think was that I was going to die. I have children from a previous marriage and all I could think was that this man hurt me in the worst kind of way. He hurt my children because if I were infected that disease would take me away from them. How Could he do this to me....repeated in my mind over and over. Then one day I broke day to a lady that I work with. She is a very religious woman that I knew I could trust. Her words to me changed my outlook.

She said: Imagine how you felt when you went to that hospital... you felt embarrised, ashamed, and the nurses made you feel as if you needed to be in a contamination bag. He feels that way every day. He felt that if he told me I would look at him that way as well. He thought that I would never love him if he told me.

Now with that said my husband never completed the act inside of me (hate to be so blunt but we are all adults here) until the day the condom broke. He did take the choice away from me because by the time I found out that he was positive I had already fallen in love with him.
I went to the doctor for several months to be tested and by the grace of god I was negative. You asked if the thoughts ever go away, mine did. After seeing it from his eyes and realizing what he was feeling I did not feelt he anger I once felt. Some days I don't think of it at all. Now I will tell you this has been hard. Some days we are a normal every day couple but then there are days when I am so scared for us to be intimate because I am always terrified that the condom won't work. I am afraid he will get sick. I am afraid every time I go to the doctor to get checked. Some days I want to give up and be free from the fear but then I look at this man that made a mistake that he will pay for the rest of his life. He is loving and he tries so hard to be strong and I think it would break him if I left him. We are open with each other about our fears and concerns now and that helps. We have to be strong for one another. No one can tell you to stay or to go and noone can say what they would do in this situation if they have not been through it. I never understood until I walked a mile in these shoes. You have to really make the decision if you can handle the responsibility of your mates status and if you can handle the fear. Don't let another person influence your decision because as I heard it you never know what you will do with a gun pointed at your face until you are starring at the barrell. Good luck to you and I would really like to know how you have been the last few months.

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* My Husband has HIV and never told me, now what? hurtingheart 02/28/13 03:12 PM
. * Re: My Husband has HIV and never told me, now what? Hopefulheart   12/26/13 05:27 PM
. * Re: My Husband has HIV and never told me, now what? MarkyH   05/03/13 05:00 AM
. * Re: My Husband has HIV and never told me, now what? Danigirl   03/01/13 12:28 AM
. * Re: My Husband has HIV and never told me, now what? hurtingheart   03/02/13 11:01 AM

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