My husband is HIV+ and I am negative.
12/26/13 04:05 PM
Hello, as my subject line states my husband is positive and I am negative. It has been very hard at times. I love my husband very much but I am always afraid. We have protected sex but I am always afraid that the condom will break or come off. Going to the doctor is a very scary thing now. Most days things are good and some days I don't even think about the disease but then the days when I am afraid and tired of worrying so much hit hard. I have told very few people about his disease. I did tell my mother and she has not looked at me the same since. Even though I am negative I feel like I should be in a little red bag as I am certain he feels the same way. When my husband and I met I did not know he was positive. I did not find out until a one day a condom broke and i had to go to the hospital and start taking prevenative medication. My husband kept it from me but I made the choice to stay with him and love him through it as best as I can. Some days I think it would be easier to give up and walk away. Then I would never worry if I am infected but then I think of not being with him and it hurts. It hurts to think of him being in my life and it hurts to think of him feeling abandoned. He made a mistake and will suffer for the mistake for the rest of his life but should he face a life without some one to love him...I don't think that is fair.
I guess one of the things that cause me conflict as well is not knowing for sure where or how he got it. He used drugs once or twice and he has had sex with several females that was unprotected. That was many years ago and he has not done either in many years. I have never used drugs so it is hard for me to understand. I think I would just like to hear some positive feedback or at least talk to someone who is going through the same thing.
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