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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

Hopefulheart
New User

Reged: 12/26/13
Posts: 4
Re: My Partner Hid His Poz Status for Our Entire Relationship, now what?
      12/26/13 03:40 PM

I can relate to you. I have and am currently going through the same thing. I don't even know where to begin. I met this guy. I fell for him so quickly. It was like we had known each other for years. We dated for a long time before we ever tried to become intimate. It was wierd, at the time, because the first time we tried he could not. I thought something was wrong with me. Maybe I was a turn off to him or I had disappointed him some how. We waited a few weeks then tried again and that time we were successful. We did however use a condom. After that we had somewhat of a healthy sex life. After some months had went by, looking back now, I think he was trying to tell me but was afraid or maybe he just did not want to admit it. He told me that many years before we had met that he had experimented with drugs. I asked him if he ever used needles and he told me one time. He would hint around and tell me that sometimes he was afraid that he had been exposed to HIV. It scared me but I thought he was being parranoid. I had never met any one that had HIV or that even knew anyone with the disease. I told him to go and get tested. All the while I was swearing to him that he was ok and that he would be negative. I thought in my mind....surely if he was HIV positive he would know by now. I was not very educated about the disease. One day we were having protected sex and the condom broke. he did not realize the condom had broke until after the ending. I was scared but I never in a million years thought I had a reason to be afraid but he did. He begged me to go to the hospital and get medication for a possible exposure. I did not want to go but he kept pushing me so I went. They gave me a heavy cocktail and put me on Complavir for 30 days. I told him that he had to go and get tested because the medicine was making me very sick to my stomach and he told me that he would and he did but it would be almost a week before the results would be back. All the while I am thinking to myself "why take this medicine? He is not positive, there is no way". As stupid as it sounds a few days after the hospital incident we were having protected sex again and guess what.....the condom came off inside me. I was in shock. How does that happen twice in a life time let alone in a week. I continued to take the medicine. It was a Friday that I would never forget. The day his results came back. I went with him to the clinic. The nurse took us to a room to wait for the doctor to come in. When the doctor came in she told him that he may want to talk to her alone first but I told him no that I was staying. When she said the words HIV positive I took a deep breathe and I felt as if my heart sunk to my toes. I felt like the heat from inside my body was burning through me. I was in shock. I did ok on the drive from the doctor back to his home but when I put the car in park I broke down. I cried so hard. I felt so much fear. The fear that he was dying, the fear that I was dying. I can't explain the emotions that ran through me. I went home and all I could do for days was cry. The thoughts ran through my mind over and over and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.....He KNEW!! I confronted him and my worst fear came true he admitted it. He had known that he was positive for many years. I could not believe this man that I loved so much could do this to me. What kind of monster was he. How could anyone do this to another person not to mention someone they loved and was marrying. I felt so hurt and I lost all of my trust for him. The next step for me was to determine if I wanted to stay with him or not.

Long story short I did decide to stay with him and I am now married to him. My situation is a little different than yours. First let me say that I by the grace of god was negative but I had decided to stay with him before I learned that I was negative. I had to deal with a lot of hurt and anger before I could commit to a life long relationship with him. It is hard and in your case even harder. My husband, from the start did at least use protection with me, it was not his fault that the condom broke...either time. He should have told me in the begining that he was positive but after many therapy sessions I come to realize that he was afraid to tell me. He was afraid he would never be loved again. That he would always be looked at like he needed to be in a red hazordous bag and he was right. Had he told me I would have never started a relationship with him. I would have never even looked at him like a person. That is sad to say but it is the truth. Before you are educated about the disease you are just afraid of it.

So with all of that being said I will tell you this. As for me, I love my husband with all of my heart. He is a wonderful man that made a horrible mistake and now he has a disease that there is no cure for and it could take his life. We do still have protected sex and we have a healthy sex life. I know with out a doubt that he loves me. We have a happy marriage but now let me tell you the bad....

Every time we have sex I am terrified of the condom breaking or not working. Every time I go to the doctor I am terrified of the results that will come back. I some times feel hopeless because when you marry someone you shouldn't have to worry about diseases and getting checked every six months but I do. I went to the doctor the other day to be tested and I thought to myself this is not fair. After being married and never having an affair i should not have to worry so much if I have a disease that could kill me. Some days I don't think about it but other days my heart feels heavy and my heart aches because I think to myself that this will never end unless we so not have any type or sexual activity.

You have to make a choice and no one can help you do that. The few family members that I have told, they don't look at met he same. It's like even though I am negative they look at me as if I were positive. It hurts. I don't feel normal but I love this man and with out him my heart would break. He is my partner. if I had to do it all over again would I make the same choice??? I don't think so. If I had known before I fell in love with him, would I have continued??? No

It is up to you. You have to make the choice if this is something you can live with.



Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* My Partner Hid His Poz Status for Our Entire Relationship, now what? hurtingheart 06/07/13 07:10 PM
. * Re: My Partner Hid His Poz Status for Our Entire Relationship, now what? kicker   06/07/13 09:08 PM
. * Re: My Partner Hid His Poz Status for Our Entire Relationship, now what? Hopefulheart   12/26/13 03:40 PM
. * Re: My Partner Hid His Poz Status for Our Entire Relationship, now what? Andersan   11/19/14 02:59 AM
. * Re: My Partner Hid His Poz Status for Our Entire Relationship, now what? hurtingheart   06/08/13 12:57 PM
. * Re: My Partner Hid His Poz Status for Our Entire Relationship, now what? kicker   06/08/13 01:17 PM

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