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Reged: 07/14/09
Posts: 1
Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support
      09/27/13 11:28 AM

Hi Manda. Thanks so much for reaching out for help. I can only imagine the anguish that you are going through following the demise of your mother. You are not alone Manda. I can identify with you. I lost my dear wife 6 years back. She was giving birth to our third born who unfortunately passed on immediately after birth. It was a double tragedy. She had been tested for HIV when giving birth to our second born baby boy. She never disclosed her HIV status and I found out from clinicians immediately after her death. I later turned out to be HIV positive as well as my second born child. That is all behind me because I have moved on and later remarried (currently with a wife and 4 kids). Manda, you will get over it with time. Our coping mechanisms as human beings are different. Perhaps that was your mum's unique way of handling this issue. Underneath, I tend to believe she was a good person and she did not intend to bother and hurt you with her predicament. Remember also that she also grew up in the era where stigma/discrimination levels were quite high unlike now when we they are quite low. Manda, healing is more of a process than an event. It is very important that you go through the phases of bereavement (shock, denial, anger, bargaining stage and the resolution phase) before you can move on. Dealing with the intensity of your feelings is critical at this stage and will enable you to forge ahead. Do not stifle your feelings. Learn to vent out your feelings (i.e giving yourself a good cry is therapeutic and has a redeeming effect). However remaining fixated in one stage can lead to depression and therefore with the help of a counselor you can tackle the various phases gradually. Joining a support group in your vicinity can enable you meet other persons going through similar experiences. Support groups are "places of healing" and sharing experiences is important. I concur with you that they are limited in number but go an extra mile in looking for one. I can not agree more with the person who has posted stating that the online support lacks the "human touch'' and it is pertinent that peer to peer support will come in handy for you. It is important that you realize that we do not get over the loss but we go through the process of bereavement. You are stronger than you think and it is my sincere prayer that God will give his grace and fortitude so that you are able to soldier on and also reach out to others in a similar situation. Things will fall into place for you.

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Mother passed away and looking for resources for support Manda284 09/20/13 08:19 PM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support shawn55   12/12/13 04:46 AM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support matong   09/27/13 11:28 AM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support anotherday   09/22/13 03:54 PM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support kicker   09/20/13 09:31 PM

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