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Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support
      09/22/13 03:54 PM

Good Morning Manda,

First my deepest condolences on your Mother's passing, it is always a tough time when someone we love makes the transition, and I'm sure you have heard it a number of times already "she is in a better place", that might be true, but yes, she is not with you!
Finding out about HIV after must be a shock and worry but do keep in mind, she was not suffering alone with it. Chances are she was quite strong with it, since she was diagnosed some 15 years ago or so. I will say she had accepted it, knew it was there but didn't want to burden you and even herself for that matter. If she was on meds, HIV can be thought of only at med time ... the rest of time it can almost be forgotten about for the right person!

She was around at a time when HIV carried a horrible stigma in the world (still does to a certain degree) but you yourself mentioned, you "grew up in a generation that mostly understands" ... key word being "mostly", it's that word that she felt not to disclose to you or others.

The hospital never told because under law they can't, they can tell you as care-giver what to do and how to do it, but they cannot tell you directly what she has unless she releases them to do so. Cancer can be very mainstream and that is what they had you focus on in caring for her! The precautions they gave you were probably "universal" enough to cover cancer and HIV, as they really are not that much different!

Look online or your phone book for grief support groups, even the local HIV organisation can help you with that, and most areas in North America now have some sort of HIV organization within a few miles. Mention it to your doctor or the doctor she was being cared with, they will guide you to grief support groups and HIV organizations, usually closer than you think!

Accept your closure in the form that your Mother loved you, believed in you and was incredibly proud of you. For the person you are, for caring for her in her time of need. Take HIV out of the equation as she probably would have prefered and know she passed from cancer, it makes it easier. Honor her with her memories, the lasting impression she had on people and her community and of course in leaving a legacy that will carry her name and memory proudly into future generations ... you!

Good luck dear Manda, you had a wonderful loving Mother ... that's all that is important!

anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Mother passed away and looking for resources for support Manda284 09/20/13 08:19 PM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support shawn55   12/12/13 04:46 AM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support matong   09/27/13 11:28 AM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support anotherday   09/22/13 03:54 PM
. * Re: Mother passed away and looking for resources for support kicker   09/20/13 09:31 PM

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