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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS


Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: My younger brother was diagnosed yesterday
      06/21/13 02:45 PM

I want to address this with you from two points of view, first as a person with HIV and second as a parent.
Understand as an 18 year old set "loose" on the big city with no parents in tow to watch over him, you have become a friend and confidant more then a brother and "parent figure" for him. This is the old cliche of shutting the gate after the cows got out, it's important to support him, his lifestyle and his wishes ... he's the one that has to deal with telling other family. For you, your life and wife is important, ask her if she can handle some news that really doesn't effect you guys directly but is something troubling you and if she can handle it in confidence, then tell her! He needs to know that marriage is a sharing of equals and that it is important if your looking stressed, she knows, it will help! Just to help ease your frustration, it could be possible to also ask him about his doctor (HIV specialist) and go have a talk with him too!
Young people take being gay today alot differently then 20 years ago, it's okay and very open, just make sure you remind him of his new responsibilities, the "rules of HIV", what he does with that information is his own business but all you can do is hope he's not out spreading it around!
Your his only connection to his family and his "new" life, yes it was not fair for him to unload such a topic onto you and say don't tell anyone, but sometimes respect comes in many forms and he respects you!
The best for you now (and maybe your wife too) is to get yourself informed on HIV (being a smaller community does not make it easier to contract an STD or HIV) and just support him in his decisions and life, too late to punish, plus he's a grownup and learning, he now has this for the rest of his life and it's his reponsibility to care for it, properly!
HIV is not a death sentence anymore, he can live his entire life out easily, proper medication, doctors orders and respecting himself are all important.
An 18 year old will always put on a tough face and a gay 18 year old even tougher, he knows deep down what he has but gay and HIV he has to put on two tough acts, just be there for him when he finally crashes.
Start by telling him that you share everything with your wife, once he sees he has the support of her aswell, other family will fall into place. He needs to now know that you respect your wife and you and her are each others support and if he can't handle that he should have never told you! Show that through this respect for people, you respect him and you can't handle this all alone, does not make you less of a person, but shows him, family can be a very strong platform to stand on!
On that same note, having HIV is something you really don't need to disclose to people unless your planning on having a sexual encounter with them or sharing drug needles, he could go for years without ever saying a word.
Finally remember, this is not your fault at all, yes he's young, new city, free to express himself, sexually aware ... there was nothing in all that that has your name on it! Yes he's your little brother and its now that you need to be big brother and just support and help him through, no need to get angry, no need to threaten, just get yourself informed and show him you care and that he's still your little brother!
Keep in mind his "loose lifestyle" is just an 18 year old boy, set free from parents, set free on the big city and set free to be gay ... his decisions lead him down this path where he has to be responsible now. After all he could have been a straight boy and came to tell you he got a girl pregnant (kinda carries the same initial shock)!

anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* My younger brother was diagnosed yesterday adnoctum 06/21/13 12:27 PM
. * Re: My younger brother was diagnosed yesterday DaveSF   06/27/13 08:17 PM
. * Re: My younger brother was diagnosed yesterday anotherday   06/21/13 02:45 PM

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