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Reged: 06/18/09
Posts: 306
Loc: Georgia
Re: So concerned about my mom.
      12/28/10 09:18 PM

It's often been said that parents should also respect their children, because they'll need someone to take care of them in old age. From reading your post it doesn't sound as if your mother intentionally did anything to either you or your siblings. She worked hard to keep you in a home. What more could anyone honestly ask for. Apparently, your sister has issues. Leave her completely out of it. If she wants to involve herself in the family she can, but don't pressure her.

Your mother's health is taking a noticable downward trend. I'm going to tell you what I tell the people here that I talk with about HIV - you get old. Your body starts to fail. There is nothing you can do about it. You might try encasing your mother in plastic, but that has it's drawbacks, too.

HIV (especially longterm survivors) study is in its infancy. There is so much scientists and doctors don't know. But, they are learning. If you read this website (THE best there is bar none!) you'll come across stories about people with HIV and ageing. Put simply, doctors are finding that people with HIV aren't appearing to age the same as people without HIV. We're getting old before our time. Like I said the research into this is brand new. There is almost no comprised data out there. But, since she's had 4 children I have to assume that she's older than 35. Probably well into her 40's or 50's. Amoungst the few findings into the age study is that older people with HIV may appear to be ageing faster than young people with HIV. That's 2 strikes against her. We won't go for strike 3.

Arthritis (all of the -itis families) is a disease that generally strikes people as they age. Your mother's HIV MAY have something to do with the onset and progression of this ailment. (Notice the MAY in big letters.) Unfortunately, the reasearch is still too new to give difinitive answers.

I'm going to make another assumption here. I'm going to assume that you and your mother are fairly close. What I would suggest is that you and she sit down with competent legal representation and draw up paperwork to give you (or another sibling who likes her) power of attorney over your mother. You don't have to aumotatically take control of everything in her life. But, it would give you a step to ensure that bills are getting paid; meds picked up from the pharmacy and taken as directed when home; that she goes to the doctor when she's supposed to; and that she's eating properly. This is going to take some time out of your life. Maybe not so much now, but in the future. I wish I had done more for my parents when they were alive. Try not to look on it as a chore. Look on it as a priviledge of caring for your mother after all the years she cared for you.

As for spilling the meds in bed - portion them out into a pill box. If she can't open the pill box with her arthritis spend a little and get small disposable cups. She takes the same pills everyday at the same time. Line up the doses. When she goes to take the pills she'll even have the cup to drink water with them.

As for having your mother move in with you - she is probably not wanting to feel like the third wheel. Invite her to your home. Show her where she'll be living. Sit down and discuss with her the pros and cons. You've got to sell her on the idea no matter how good it is to you.

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* So concerned about my mom. JJ77 12/23/10 10:33 PM
. * Re: So concerned about my mom. JAC2011   12/29/10 05:47 PM
. * Re: So concerned about my mom. iam1   12/28/10 09:18 PM

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