Fiance in the hospital with PCP - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

Hello, I just brought my girl to the hospital today and she is being treated for pcp. She stopped taking her meds around 3 to four years ago after an incident in her life threw her in complete denial.

She was afraid of me leaving her and for not feeling like a normal girl, she never was being truthful when I confront her with the fact that I found a prescription for hiv meds one time.

She was afraid of losing me and I understand that she has fault in this, but I knew all along, and I care about her too much to blame her for being in denial.

She finally came out of denial when I confronted her when I suspected symptoms of PCP.

I study the medical field as a personal hobby, I believe I probably saved her life by pushing her to get treatment once I noticed the first symptoms.

My dilemma at the moment is that I am completely devastated for the fact that I am worried about her, not much for myself as I can get tested and if positive I will put myself into treatment right away and nothing would change between us.

This experience for as much bad as it is has finally brought my family, hers and both of us closer now that we are able to discuss it together and be there for each other no matter what.

I normally would attempt to control my emotions considering that I am a Law Enforcement applicant and I usually do not break down into sadness or depression like this.

I would not call my situation depression, I am just downright worried that she may die, regardless of my understanding through my own personal research that pcp is treatable.

Enough of my ranting...the bottom line is that I don't know how to cope with this and who to ask for support. None of my friends are aware of her HIV status, and even though she told me that she will disclose it to them as well now so everything from now on is better, I am not ready to do so myself just to get support from them.

Oh well...just wanted to post what I felt thinking it would make me feel better, or at least writing this would take my mind off this situation for enough to feel better for a few minutes.

I do not know what else to do...the only thing I know that would help me for the moment would be to use some of her medical marijuana, which I know works for depression and anxiety and for many other conditions.

I do not use it myself due to it being federally illegal and my use would be considered a liability for the department. But I am considering it under these circumstances...but I know if I told her the same thing she would be advising me not to jeopardise my law enforcement career for her...what a fucked up situation (excuse the language)....just before xmas too...

Edited by schedir81 (12/20/10 12:47 AM)

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