The Body's Bulletin Boards: Heartbroken Father.

We found out we were positive Aug 08 when my partner was pregnant. Our world fell apart. We then found out that our 2 yr old boy was infected too.

My partner went on medication while she was pregnant and thank god, our daughter is neg.

Our health is fine. Nothing really wrong with us apart from the virus. My partners numbers are vey good, we are both undetectable but my CD4 is struggling up very slowly...currently around 140. My sons numbers are fine, but we constantly look at him disbelieving that this little man has AIDS. My heart is broken.

I infected my partner and son. Daily I am living with these thoughts, of shame, anger and disgust at myself. I had unprotected sex 10 years ago and thought, "AIDS? Me? Not a chance!" I just thought it wouldnt or couldnt happen to me. And here I am today, having infected most of my family.

My partner blames me, as do I. Its no ones fault but my own. Our relationship is beginning to flounder. We are angry, can´t speak without arguing and this with two young children in the house.

We need help. We cannot talk to anyone about this. No way. She will be seeing a psychologist later this month...but me, a bit difficult as I don´t speak the local language.

Are there any other fathers out there in a similar situation? Is there a forum that anyone could recommend I contact for support or someone I could connect with? I need to know there is some kind of light at the end of this tunnel.

Thank you.

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