fiance is +, I am - - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

Hello all! This is my first post here. My name is Eloise, and I am engaged to a wonderful man who happens to be HIV positive. We have been going out for 3 years and I love him dearly. He was diagnosed 5 years ago and is doing really well (the numbers just keep getting better at every 6 month visit and he is symptom-free, not counting the side-effects from his meds).

It isn't something we talk about overly much and it doesn't really affect our day-to-day life, besides our being far "safer" than the average couple. However, he is very private about is status, so none of the people we hang out with know. I haven't told my family about his health status as I don't want them to spend every day worrying that I am going to become infected (which they would).

Sometimes, I just feel alone and would like to connect with others who are in a "mixed" relationship. One day, we would like to have children, and I would love to hear from those who have done this.

I also have a few questions like "how do I lessen my anxiety about having sex?" We are very careful. He is in great health and has an undetectable viral load. I am extremely ashamed of my anxiety, and would love to hear that I am not alone and that there is a way for me to work through this so we can... erm... both enjoy eachother more without the stupid anxiety.

I also, of course, worry about his health as the idea of him becoming ill just tears me up inside. I know that either of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow or could get cancer or could die any number of ways at any moment. I just hate that there is this virus inside of him trying to kill him.

Anyways, as you can see, I am having a bit of a hard time making sense as I am not used to talking about this to anyone but him. I am going to spare you all and stop typing now. If you got all the way through this, thank you for reading

Post Extras: Remind Me!