The past two days I've walked around like a zombie, hoping to wake up from a horrible nightmare.
I moved in with him last August...moved to another state to be with him...its coming up on us officially being 'together' two years in November. He's just admitted to me two days ago that he's been hiv positive for 10 years, undetectable for the last 6 of them, and on meds, and never been sick from the virus...he says he loves me and was too scared of losing me. We've had a lot of unprotected sex. He seems like he doesnt even get it..like he's completely oblivious to what he's ACTUALLY done here. He found out when his fiance years and years ago was pregnant with his child. Both the mother and baby tested negative. Sooo, he just thought he'd never hurt me either.
I just got tested today.
I love him..or the stranger he is now...I am so angry that he just doesnt seem to grasp things though. He honestly has either been so mis informed or so in denial that he just thinks i should be able to accept how scared he was of losing me and how much he loves me now and move on with this. He says he's never let affect his life, he takes his meds and he wants to continue a happy healthy life with me...
Am i crazy to even try to begin to understand him? What i dont need is judgements..people telling me i'm a stupid asshole and should kick his ass to the curve. I've kicked my own ass enough, thank you...
-Confused, scared, shocked.