Coping with time... - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

I recently found out that someone I love is HIV+ and his CD4 count is very low. Surely this question or concern has been posted before, but I'm essentially posting for support.

This person is an ex-boyfriend of mine from 20 years ago when we were kids. We've always had a very strong connection even though I lost track of him for several years. He was busy getting into all kinds of trouble - in and out of prison - you name it.

We live in two different worlds, although that doesn't change the fact that I love him. Currently we're about 100 miles apart - I'm in a Phd program, he's in a drug treatment program. Like I said, we are worlds apart.

It's impossible for me to put my life on hold right now to spend time with him, but I'm afraid he'll die before I do have the time. He's not exactly forthright about his condition because I think he doesn't want to worry me. For instance, he'll tell me his CD4, but not his viral load (which I am sure is through the roof)...or at least he'll say that those results aren't in yet, but I don't believe him.

He should have been on medication, but he elected to stop taking the antiretrovirals because he had essentially given up. He will likely struggle and be harshly judged for the rest of his life due to his HIV status and having been an IDU and convicted felon. Everything in his life is such a struggle and I wouldn't be surprised if he ends up turning to crime again which will surely land him back in prison. The idea of him dieing along in prison where I cannot get to him breaks my heart and I've told him so. He told me that I've given him hope and he now wants to fight this disease, but I have no idea what damage he's done by going on and off medications and letting his condition deteriorate. On top of all this, I have to take much of what he says with a grain of salt because he's a recovering addict.

I'm trying to be a positive light in his life, and even he wouldn't want me to put my education on hold to care for him, but there is this underlying guilt and fear that I don't have my priorities straight.

Post Extras: Remind Me!