Hello. First off I want to say I'm glad there is a bulletin board for these subjects and appriciate everyone who posts and comments.
My name is Carrie and I am 27 years old. My boyfriend, Phillip, who is HIV positive and is almost 34 years old was diagnosed earlier this summer. He's been in and out of prison most of his life and has also been an IV meth user most of his life. Last weekend Phillip had a heart attack. The dr's said it's becuase of some cocaine he did. He checked himself out of the hospital Against Medical Advice after a day and came to stay with me for a week to recover. I know he should have stayed at the hospital, but he refused to stay and I didn't want him home alone. He lives in Rochester, MN and I live in Minneapolis, MN. I'm glad he is where he is cause he's walking distance from the Mayo Clinic / St. Mary's Hospital.
Anyways, durring the week he was with me he was constantly smoking pot. Though it bothered me, I let him do it. The original plan was that I was going to take him back home (2 hours away) Saturday night (tonight) to spend one more night together then come back tomorrow. Earlier this morning he told me that plans had changed. His friend Jenny who is a severe meth head was going to pick him up, look for dope for her, then they were going to go out shoplifting, return the items to get gift cards, then trade the gift cards to his crack dealing neighbor in exchange for cash, and he would be going back home to his house tonight. Needless to say, I cried and begged him not to. I even loaned him $100 so that he wouldn't have to partake in the whole scam. He did anyways.
I finally got a hold of him threw text messages around 11pm tonight, and he said he couldn't call cause his phone was about to die. I asked him if he was home like he said he would be, and if so, how come he couldn't just plug his phone in. I never got a responce back.
I'm terrified and have been throwing up most of the night I'm so sick to my stomach about the thought of him going out to do dope. Deep down, I know he's out shooting up right now.
We have not slept together or even messed around. We've been VERY carefull about our activities in every way so I don't contract HIV from him.
I guess my question is, how do I deal with this? I don't want to leave him because I care about him more than I can say, and feel as though I am actually falling in love with him. He is VERY stubborn though, and will do whatever he wants. I am a single mother who works full time, lives just with my daughter, recieves no child support and is trying to make it the best as I can as a recovering addict. It's just getting to be too much dealing with everything with him. I mean it's hard enough having a boyfriend who is HIV positive, but when you mix in the fact that he's doing drugs and criminal activities, it's almost to much to take.
I really don't want to leave him, but I know I can't change him. I need some advice on how to deal with this. Please. Thanks for reading this very much.